Processing

I’ve been in reflection mode today. At least in my spare time when I haven’t been working. I’ve been absorbing feelings and concepts, but without a lot of cool realizations. There’s a lot floating around in this mind of mine, but not all that much that has formed itself into coherent words and sentences. That’s always been an issue of mine, anyway. Even in cases where I have a wise concept I want to get across, I never feel like I’ve explained it completely such that the other person can see it in my perspective and completely understand what I am saying. When the person comes back with their own version of what I just said, or asks questions, sometimes I worry or get frustrated, because they didn’t get it. Really it doesn’t matter though, right? They don’t have to understand my exact feeling about something. That panic only affects me because I let it, so I just have to let it go.

Right now I just feel still.

I almost feel like something big is going to happen. Good or bad, you ask? Probably both. Bad at first, and then very good. Something to grow through. Or a choice. Or an opportunity. Or a sacrifice. I guess by feeling this way I may manifest it into happening, so I’d better be careful!

I could use something big right now, though. Some terror strikes me when I say that, but you know what, it’s true, and I think I can handle it. No – I KNOW I can handle it. I want to step a little bit out of my comfort zone. I want to reach a little bit out of that box into the air, closer to my dreams. I don’t know what that necessarily means, but I know I have this desire to be fulfilled and to use the gifts I find so natural to me.

But for now I am still. Maybe I’m gathering strength. Maybe my subconscious is pondering ideas to make this happen. I don’t know. But something is happening. Life is rounding me up and making me ready for something.