Sunday, May 26, 2013

Confidence for a Social Event

I think I figured it out!

I was literally moping around and sleeping most of Saturday. I had this underlying feeling of stress and resistance and I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t shake it.

After yet another nap, I sat down and really tried to listen to myself – again. I was feeling tense about all the things I needed to do this weekend, but that wasn’t a good explanation. I’ve dealt with that before. I was also feeling tense about a big social event I’d managed to get invited to in the city.


Then I started to figure it out. I was scared about this event. This isn’t just a little party with people I know. This is a big event where I had to get on a list, where I don’t know anyone, and sometimes famous people attend. This isn’t something I ever do, obviously. I don’t even go to parties anymore, because I’ve “grown up”. But I’d been invited by a fun woman I don’t know all that well, and I felt like this was the Uni-verse giving me a chance to step it up. This would be a huge test to all the lessons I’ve been learning.

But my ego was fighting back. I’ve gained weight, and I had no idea what I would wear. I don’t feel confident in my skin right now. I don’t know anyone there except for that one woman. I don’t like not having my own way to get home, because then I’ll feel trapped, and it’s so far away from home. What if I had no one to talk to? What if I was miserable? What if…

Yep, that’s where the stress was coming from.

Now that I knew what the problem was, I could address these concerns with love.

Life is what you make of it. I can turn this event into anything I want. It’s all about how I perceive it. If I’m worried about having a horrible time, I will manifest that into reality. Don’t! This is a fantastic opportunity! First of all, forget all the weight stuff. I am confident, and when that confidence shines through, I am beautiful. Just think about the conference the other day where my co-worker and I took some of the presenters out for drinks afterwards. I have NO problem having a fantastic time interacting with them. Looking back, that may have been a first step in preparation for this event… I was so impressed with myself for that. Of course afterwards I tried to judge myself and freak myself out about it, but luckily I saw what was happening and put a stop to it. I did a great job. I was very successful at being social and pulling presenters aside from a 1000+ person conference.

So just think of this next social event as another fun opportunity to practice what I’ve learned!

Confidence. Confidence. That will be key here. I can talk to random people. I can spread my love and kindness to others. I’m probably going to have to do something I absolutely never, ever do – randomly go up and introduce myself to people. It’s times like these where I am so hard on myself and don’t think I am good enough. Most of the time I think it is rude and awkward to just randomly go up to people. Why bother them? What makes me think I’m so special? I don’t even have anything to say! But this event – I’m going to push myself. Maybe not that specifically, but I’m going to push myself.

I am smart. I am kind and loving. All anyone ever wants is love and kindness. Knowing that, there is no way I can fail. And even if I do, it’s just another lesson. I will be okay. I will look at this as a fun experiment. I will use this to expose myself to different types of people and learn more ways people are unique and different. I will learn more perspectives on life.

I will only feel trapped and miserable if I let fear take me over.

This is all about my confidence. This is all about my judging myself. Don’t. I’m smart. I know how people work. I can figure out people’s motives. Just remember to be confident and project your voice –

My voice! Oh no, there will be loud music. No one will be able to hear….

That’s okay. You’ve got this. You’re a complete badass. You’ll be great. If things start to turn sour, just find a way to entertain yourself. Turn from spreading love to finding entertainment. Just never let yourself start judging. Never let yourself fall into that dark pit. That’s when your perspective turns bad. That’s when you’ll be miserable. But you have control over it. You have full control over your perspective.

This is going to be fun. I’m going to have a great time. It will be okay. I have no expectations, but I can turn this experience into whatever I want. And I want it to be fun.

Whew! I can feel the difference. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel like this was the problem, and now I’ve addressed it. That’s so weird, that this was weighing on me so much and I couldn’t pinpoint the source until now. Incredible.

Well, wish me luck! Looks like I’ll have more to talk about tomorrow!

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