Monday, March 11, 2013

Can You Ever Trust Yourself?



Something I’ve been wondering about lately is being able to trust myself. There are illusions everywhere, and I see how people around me swear by certain “facts” that are so obviously completely untrue, because it is just their perspective. Yet time and time again my own conclusions about things, at least things that I deem knowledgeable enough to have a conclusion about, turn out to be completely true. But can I trust that? And how much can I take that trust with me into my future experiences?

I had a boyfriend who swore that the moment he saw me knew I was “the one”. He felt I was the one he would marry. This didn’t frighten me off or anything, I loved it, but I didn’t really believe it. I tried way too hard to analyze it. What I knew was that he was probably wrong. And by the end of the relationship, I knew full well that we did not want the same things out of life and relationships, as he’d thought. Which sucks, because I felt like I was choosing to kill something as sacred as that feeling of “knowing” someone is “the one”. And if he could be wrong, that means I could be wrong if I ever felt that way…

But again, I’ve got my act together on stuff like that. I’m extremely wise on things like that. So maybe my feeling would be more trustworthy than his? Than most people’s?

Really all that feeling is saying is how YOU feel about THEM, and not the other way around. As far as that, he could have been right, and I would be right, because we would know that we could settle down with whatever person gave us that feeling. They fit what WE want. The issue is whether the other person feels the same way. Which, yeah, I’m pretty awesome *brushes shoulder off* so I don’t blame him for feeling that way. So then maybe I can have faith in that feeling, if it ever were to pop up for me. I just have to know that it only goes one way. The danger lies in the other direction.

Even more than just that area, I worry about my own assumptions because I see other people’s assumptions hit so far off the mark. Especially when it comes to me. People make silly generalizations that I could easily correct for them, but it really makes you stop and think about how many times that is YOU. How many times YOU have no idea what you are talking about, yet you are going around talking about assumptions as if they are fact. Again, most of mine end up being confirmed, but still… it is still a perspective, and I know that I don’t know everything and I am not capable of analyzing every situation correctly. It’s very humbling.

I guess the question is, why does it matter? As long as you are aware that you are seeing things from some sort of perspective, you can leave a lot of slack and save people a lot of judgment. Analyze things enough to protect yourself from any probable dangers, but don’t sit too comfortably in those conclusions and beliefs. I guess I have to learn that it isn’t a big deal if you were wrong about someone, be it a casual acquaintance or a potential husband. I just like to know what I’m dealing with. I like to know what game they are playing, if any, and know in what ways I can trust them and in what ways I can’t. I guess it comes down to not wanting to waste my time by putting in time and effort when someone is just going to disappoint me, disrespect me or stab me in the back. We’d all like to know that ahead of time…

Such is life, I guess. We don’t get to have those answers. It is all a part of the learning process. In which case, I’m allowed to trust the wisdom I’ve gained throughout the years. Just be careful that you aren’t projecting past fears too hard on innocent bystanders…

So what do you think, can you trust your wisdom and your perspective, or can’t you?

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