Is Being Safe Dangerous For Your Soul?

Not only am I wasting my talents and not fully enjoying life, but I am denying the world my gifts.

I’m starting to get really hooked on this whole concept of breaking free from the conventional notions of having a “safe” and “secure” career path and routine. I have COMPLETELY lived my life by these rules, and sometimes I feel like a lot of my talents and joys died along the way. I had SO MANY seeds of such great artistic and creative talents, and most of them went by the way-side as I was pushed down the road of technology.

That’s the smart thing to do. You make money so you can go do the other things you want. That’s the responsible, adult thing to do.

Is it? What does that even mean?

The mature and responsible thing to do is to have ambition, focus and determination in whatever you choose to do. It is to never give up. It is to remain a student of life, and be resourceful; live within your means; make smart decisions. That doesn’t necessarily mean a certain path… especially if you feel unfulfilled.

Don’t get me wrong, my line of work is fine. I don’t hate it – only when documentation is involved. I like being resourceful and clever, and programming allows me to do that. But does it fulfill my soul? Definitely not. Does it use my strongest assets, and the gifts I know I was born with? Nope. Does it make me feel like I am benefitting society? Nope. Am I or do I even want to be the absolute best in my field of work, more than any other career? Nah.

What do I want to be? Dancer; life coach; author… in an ideal world, a singer, as well… maybe even an actress… but I definitely want to share my views on life and help others. I know I can. I know I was born to do that. I do it one friend and boyfriend at a time, when my schedule permits. But I would love to just dive in and really get to know people and help them see their lives and problems in such a different light. Show them how they can get through anything. Show them everything I have been learning. I’d always shown people that “how I think and live is the right way” but now it is different than that. Now, not only am I fixing some issues in myself, but I can see what about how I do things is truly something people can be guided towards in a positive way, and what are actually my fears parading themselves around as morals. And some are still in the gray area… haven’t sorted them out quite yet. But I really feel, deep in my soul, like there isn’t a person I couldn’t help in some small way, if I knew enough about them to prepare my wording such that it resonates with them. Not in a “you need to live like this” way, but in a “here’s how you find happiness… and this is what has been holding you back… let me show you how that works and why it is believable” kind of way.

That’s why I started this blog. Granted at this time not many people know about it, but I’m fine with that. It also helps me keep track of where I am on my own journey and I think that is awesome and fulfilling in itself. But eventually I do want to reach others. Maybe the timing isn’t right yet. Psh, duh. I’m still straightening my own crap out. And I’d like to think that this blog is “starting before you’re ready”, as they like to say on The Daily Love.

I’m also hoping to write one or more books. My only problem is I have no idea how to narrow things down into topics for a book. I just want to brain dump everything, but yeah, they should probably be separated out into various topics for various books. Maybe I should start seriously planning for that. Just a little. Start before you are ready, right?

On another note, I’m really proud of myself for how I handle stress these days. I’m not perfect, but I am very aware and very considerate to others when I’m not in the best mood. I’ll tell myself how everything will be fine (I can believe myself now – others, not so much) and take a break for some air if I need to. I also have a deeper confidence, which allows me to be more in the moment. For example, sitting outside with cars passing by, I’d normally feel really self-conscious that I look weird just sitting there – what am I doing? Just sitting here? What am I looking at? Am I watching cars? Do the people in the cars feel weird about it? Do I look like an idiot looking around at the trees? But now – now I can look around at the trees, admiring their beauty, and barely notice the cars. I’m in my own little world, and for a second I notice this change, and I smile, and continue with my lovely sightseeing. I’m finally getting out of the heads of others, which, as it turns out, was really just my own head with my own negative perspective of myself…

What brings you joy? If you could be anything, yes, ANYTHING, extreme or not, what would it be? Do you dare take steps towards bringing a little bit of reality to that dream? Just a little?