What is Self-Confidence?

One of the ideas I’m toying with these days is the concept of self-confidence. What is it, really? People who are blatantly insecure are not confident; people who spend their lives competing and proving themselves are one mistake away from a complete meltdown, because their self-confidence is conditional, and therefore it is not true confidence. So what does real self-confidence look like? What does it feel like?

It took a lot of work to get through the resistance and denial protecting the areas of myself where I am not confident. I’d built quite a complex structure of logic, morals and rationality with a moat and alligators to defend those sore spots. Now that I’ve finally made it into the castle, I’m actually able to work on strengthening those sore spots. It feels different and it looks different. I’m not even sure how to explain it. Acknowledging that I’ve been hating my body and punishing myself has allowed me to start trying to remove that self-hatred. I’m starting to replace it with a love and compassion I might normally only feel towards other people whom I am close with.

If I had to describe the changes I feel, I’d say I almost feel like I’m glowing a little bit, and that a burden has been lifted. One less thing to stress about. Due to the new happiness, I think my body is responding, too. I noticed my cheeks look a little slimmer. Now I’m not sure if I’m perceiving my cheeks to be slimmer, or if they actually are slimmer… I think more needs to happen before I can say for sure. But when I love my body, my body loves me back, so I think that relationship is improving, and therefore my health, mental and physical, is improving as well.

This new and improved self-confidence is also helping me in activities. I noticed that I walk a little bit more confidently now. I also felt more at ease learning some new dance moves yesterday at my dance studio. The moves definitely required me to be confident and comfortable being sexy, which I’ve had issues with. I can move my hips and do body rolls with the best of them, but slow it down and make it more sensual and I get all bent out of shape. But being comfortable with myself is making it so much better.

I think self-confidence is the absence of feeling a lack. If you are insecure, you just sit in the lack. You know it is there, and you “know” you can’t fill it. If you are overcompensating, you are constantly pouring into a bottomless lack, trying to fill it; trying to get back to a balance/fulfillment that you only feel momentarily, if at all. I think when you are confident you simply don’t feel the lack.

What do you think? What does self-confidence mean to you?