All Your Eggs in One Basket

I spent a little time today thinking about my expectations for a romantic relationship. We seem to think there is one person out there who can “save” us and will make us infinitely happy. At a young age, a friend of mine once told me not to put all my eggs in one basket. My response has always been that it is easier to find one person to understand you and care for you than it is to find several people...

One of the books I’m reading suggests that you bring some aspects of “romance” to your friendships to lessen the pressure you put on your romantic relationships. Well, the same thing applies. I can’t talk to my “friends” the same way – I’ve tried. The people who have been around me do not understand me at all. If I ever try to go to them with my thoughts or problems, I always end up angry and frustrated because they have no idea what I’m talking about and I just have to give them a lecture about how my world works and how they need to realize my truths in their own lives, and for what? How is that helpful to anyone? When I’m in a relationship, the guy actually gets it. He may not understand completely, but I pick guys I can have an intelligent and meaningful conversation with about these things, and sometimes they even agree. At the very least they respect and admire me for my views and morals. So… bringing that to my friendships?

Well I guess the solution is clear: Make new friends. That’s been my goal for a while, but I guess I’ve been slacking. Last time I tried, I ended up with a boyfriend, haha. There are a couple people I know now that I can share knowledge with in these ways. Finding people like that isn’t exactly easy. Most people my age still act like they are in college. Actually, the people I’m referring to are a decade or more older than me… figures!

Those are not helpful thoughts. Those are negative thoughts. I choose love instead.

Things will change. What I want from a relationship will change. I worry so much about the other person’s motives, habits and thoughts – well guess what? I really am good at reading people. Not perfect, but unusually good. That is my gift. Therefore, I don’t have to have all this fear about ending up with someone horrible. I have really good intuition. I need to give myself some credit, and look to my old relationships to back me up. I know what’s going on. I figure people out. If I decide someone is worth my time, and if I decide to get married, it will most certainly be one of the most careful, planned, researched and validated decisions someone could make. There are no guarantees, because you never know how life will turn out – HOWEVER – if anyone is going to choose the right person, it would be me. I can trust myself.

Not to mention, all these changes I’m going through are going to help me. It’s going to be my responsibility to keep the relationship afloat. Let’s face it – as exes have told me, I have things figured out way better than most people do. I can’t expect someone to be at my level of understanding of the human mind. Frankly, if someone is at my level, I should trust them less, because they could be using it for evil. I feel like, if I get married, it will end up being with someone who is pure “enough”, who respects my opinions and looks up to my wise views and is patient and willing to work on any issues we have in the ways that I have spelled out. Everything else… I don’t know how that will turn out. I will have to use all this enlightenment, or whatever you want to call it, to determine how we work through things, and I will have the most responsibility placed upon me to make sure I do not react out of fear and stay on the path of love.

That makes it sound like I’ll have to be the parent… to my husband. While I know this is a common joke, that is not the reality I wanted for myself.

I don’t know. Whatever… my mind is just trying to find a comfortable place to rest on this topic. It has not worked yet. Regardless, life changes. I know that. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Just because relationships mean one thing to me now, and just because I want certain things now, does not mean that will be it forever. All I can do is just work on myself and wait and see. As always, I’m applying all these generalizations to all men everywhere, which isn’t fair. I’ll feel it when a candidate comes along, and I can apply my thoughts there. I just hate how feelings can meddle with my process. Like last time, I knew I was right, but something told me it was okay. And it was. He was a good guy and the circumstances started me on this journey, yet he himself was not right for me. We were meant to pass through each other’s lives at that time. I hate that answer, but sometimes it’s as simple as that.

Just worry about making yourself happy. Worry about being whole all by yourself. The rest will work itself out.