What Others Think

I keep having a huge issue with what other people think of me, but in a very specific way. If you don’t like something about me, and what you don’t like is true about me, then I couldn’t care less. But if you’ve taken something you noticed and developed a story behind it that is not true, and you dislike me, judge me or even pity me because of it, that ticks me off.

If you don’t like me because you think I am on a high horse, that’s fine. I can see how you’d think that. I accept your disapproval.

If you don’t like me because I can be a little socially awkward at times, that’s fine. It’s true sometimes. I accept your disapproval.

If you don’t like me because I can be judgmental and I jump to the worst conclusions, that’s fine. It’s true. I accept your disapproval.

But if you think that I become lost in whatever relationship I am in, then that is incorrect. When I look at it from someone’s perspective, maybe I can see why they’d get that idea, but that is incorrect. They don’t have all the information. That bugs me. They are wrong. I am way stronger and self-sufficient than they are giving me credit for.

If you think my getting upset is fake and melodramatic and is simply to get attention, then you are mistaken. That really bugs me. That’s completely wrong.

Etc.

How do celebrities do it? No wonder they have meltdowns. People draw all sorts of conclusions about them, judge them, and believe it as fact, when they really have no idea what is going on. Celebrities deal with this crap every single day. They are forced to learn the lesson that you can’t care what other people think. That lesson is presented to them at every turn. “Haters gonna hate” (pretend there is some swag in that statement, haha). For the purposes of this lesson, maybe I should pretend I am a celebrity. This reminds me of that movie “The Holiday” – be the leading lady in your own life! If I walk around owning my stage as if I were a hotshot celebrity, would that help me conquer my discomfort with other’s false opinions of me?

Shouldn’t I correct them? If someone thinks something false about me, shouldn’t I clear that up? Can’t that come back to haunt me if I get a reputation that isn’t true? This is WHY I lived my life the way I did – to AVOID such things, and yet they happen anyway. I guess the point is that you should just show them. Over time, they will figure it out. Don’t worry about their opinions. You don’t have to defend yourself.

…Sure I can say that, but I don’t believe it and I am not to the point where I want to do that. I want to correct them. I want to defend my honor and my reputation. I want to avoid bad things happening down the line because someone made an assumption about me.

I’m trying really hard to not get so worked up about it, but once a false opinion about me is presented, my body tenses up, my mind clutches it, and my defenses go to work. I can’t help it.

Well, I know that I CAN, eventually, but right now, I don’t know how to control it.

Yet another thing to work on and figure out what the best balance is.