Stop Reading and Start Living!

I’ve been pretty busy this week. Work has been busy, a little bit of drama and a bunch of obligations and responsibilities. I definitely started to feel overwhelmed. I made some lists for myself, prioritized by when things needed to get done, and I tried to remind myself that I’m only one person, so I’ll do my best, and that’s all I can do. I did pretty well. I’m just really worn out now.

I got behind on my May Cause Miracles workbook. I missed one day completely, and I had to speed-read on a couple other days. I’m not happy about that. I’ve decided to start those days over. I want to make sure my heart is in the exercises. It isn’t a race or something. I’m not obligated to do it each day. If I’m not going to do it right because I am so swamped, then I’d rather just wait until I have some time. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I’ve also noticed some resistance. These concepts I’m working through are not going to be resolved overnight. Also, I can end up with the same opinions – I just have to rid myself of the fears underneath them. It’s such a weird situation. I have to make myself okay with things that I despise, which feels impossible. And then after I do that, I can go back to hating it? So frustrating. I’d obviously rather just continue hating it. But then I won’t be fixing the problems underneath. I hear and see things on tv that still upset and depress me. So I’m not there yet. I actually even had a moment today where I got sad and felt like I would truly end up alone, especially now that I don’t really see a point to a relationship anymore. If you work on yourself, live an authentic life and stay centered, then you have no voids to be filled by a relationship. And now relationships seem like a cop out. You don’t need one. You have to feel complete yourself, and then you won’t even feel like you need one. That’s how I’m interpreting that right now. Still depressing though. Sigh. Still figuring that one out.

This post is sounding depressing! It wasn’t supposed to be. Just stating the facts. There’s still been all sorts of improvement. Things that would normally put me in a bad mood I’m able to look at differently and just let it pass through me. I’m also managing the stress and hectic schedule much better than usual – I think I exhaust myself and avoid the work a little bit normally, but I kept at it this time. So there’s good and bad. All part of the journey.

It’s pretty cool, because for so long I was just reading books and blogs, trying to apply the knowledge to my past, basically. Lately I’ve been required to apply it to my present. I got behind on reading The Daily Love, and when I went back and started getting caught up, I noticed that the posts were on the exact things I was dealing with! It’s almost like life was saying, “That’s enough reading. It’s time to implement what you’ve been learning. You’re ready to test it out. Get out there and get some practice, and then come back and read about it after you do it.”

Make sure to put your knowledge into practice. Don’t sit around thinking about how you want to act – go do it!