Saved from the Cliff of Reversion

It was definitely a reversion. However, I really may have just been getting ahead of myself before. I still think that’s good. This is all fine and natural. I decided I need to fully give myself to some foreign thoughts before I can then find a balance between my old thoughts and these new enlightened thoughts, so that’s what is happening now. I’m trying to find the balance.

It’s all about balance!

I still haven’t really found it yet, but posts on The Daily Love really seemed to come just in the nick of time. I started feeling disoriented, and BOOM, here are a bunch of posts about accepting your partner in a relationship and about your ego trying to connive its way into sabotaging your efforts at breaking an addiction.

One post talked about relationships being more successful when you idealize your partner and focus on the positive instead of the negative. At first I thought of all the ways that was foolish and naïve, but since I already know that angle, I allowed the point to get across. I confess - there is some truth to it! When someone has faith in you, and sees the good in you, it makes YOU want to be a better person and do all those things that are expected of you. It is a boost in your confidence and self-image. The love kills the fear. If someone tells you that you are so loving and understanding, it really sets you up for success. If someone tells you that you always lie, and you are crap in some way, then you probably won’t feel so open to discussing things with them, which infects the relationship with negativity and avoidance, which sets you up for failure. Not only have I seen how that works on me, but I’ve seen how I’ve unintentionally used it on others, in both the good and bad ways, and the expected results followed.

But where is the line?

Regardless of whether or not my fears bore these thoughts, can’t some of my rationalizations be true? Even if I decide something isn’t completely evil, can’t it still be bad? People’s past behaviors and thoughts indicate how they see the world and how they see other people. Mistakes they’ve made in the past can always happen again. You can’t ever really know when someone is repressing desires and when they have had a dose of enlightenment and truly snapped out of it. If they don’t want you to know, you won’t know. I can understand that people just want to feel “good enough”, and fear causes all these lies, deceit and mistakes, but where do you draw the line? At what point do you love someone through their issues and through your own, and at what point do you decide that it isn’t your job, it hurts in valid ways and they just aren’t right for you?

I’m looking for the balance. I understand better why people make mistakes, what is actually happening, and why they aren’t completely evil. However, knowing the issues people may have, there are probably issues worth your time to work through, and issues that aren’t. Maybe a little bit of a band-aid relationship (formerly known as a romantic relationship) is okay, as long as the wounds have gone from deep and infected down to tiny little cuts.

I think it’s pretty ridiculous to expect us all to live in La La Land and be completely fine if your spouse cheats on you, or people lie and steal from you, etc. We can try to understand where they are coming from as a human being, but that doesn’t mean we should just walk right into situations like that because we refuse to analyze situations and see all the red flags. That certainly doesn’t mean we should tolerate that sort of behavior, either. Maybe this new enlightenment can minimize the feelings of anger and betrayal, but to forgive and forget is disrespecting YOU. That’s not giving YOURSELF love. By all means, forgive them as you smile and gently show that person the door. Know that they have their own fear issues, and it isn’t anything about you. Send them some light and love, and wish them well on their own journey to find real meaning in life, but don’t allow that in your life.

What do you think? Am I starting to find a balance, or am I just reverting?