Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Balance


This post basically continues where Ignorance is Bliss left off, but I felt the topic changed enough for it to be a new post.
 
There’s always a fine-tuned balance for a healthy life. People can fall on either extreme, so any advice needs to suit their own situation. For example, referring to the post from yesterday, generally blocking out problems and ignoring them is really bad. Well, I was so far in the other extreme that a little bit of it helped me to learn how I can balance out. If I were someone who always ignored problems, then I would have needed a heavy dose of the other extreme to learn how to even out. I’m so far down the road that self-help, parents, teachers and counselors usually point towards that I actually need to come back towards the middle of the road.

That’s probably where some of my anger and non-acceptance comes from. I do everything by the book, because I can look 20 steps ahead and see the consequences of my actions. I hate it when people talk about “living in the moment” because to me that just means they are being irresponsible and hedonistic. That doesn’t have to be the case. I’m already going to look 20 steps ahead regardless. For me to “live in the moment” would not be the same thing as what I’m thinking it would be. I need to stop telling myself the same lessons I think other people should learn. That is not a life of balance for me – I’ve already learned those lessons, and they are pushing me way off balance at this point. Other people may live by the mantra “You Only Live Once” and it may mean really irresponsible things. But again, I’m trying to be in other people’s heads. It doesn’t have to mean that for me. It doesn’t have to mean being impulsive and stupid. I think what I want out of life is pure and admirable, so for me, “living in the moment” would still be pure. Who am I trying to convince, anyway? Apparently I was trying to convince myself. That’s interesting.
 
What would “living in the moment” mean for me? This reminds me of that song I love – “A Long December” by Counting Crows. There is one line that goes, “I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.” That line always struck me, because I DON’T live in the moment as much as I should. I’m always looking ahead, and at times I realize how much I’m missing by not appreciating where I am at any given moment. So, for me, “living in the moment” means really savoring every moment in life, and being fully present. Savoring the GOOD. I always completely feel all the negative things in life, but not the good. It doesn’t mean doing crazy things. It just means looking around and acknowledging the beauty of a sunset, or the crisp winter smell, or getting lost in the taste of some hot cocoa. I try to embrace those moments, but I really don’t. I haven’t mastered that yet.

I’m always in a rush. Even if I’m not, I always feel like I’m in a rush. I eat fast, I walk fast… and sometimes all of that is necessary, but I need to learn how to turn that off sometimes and just slow down. Rushing and looking ahead just makes me dread doing things that I know will require me to rush. The other night I had to fight my inner voice that told me to not go out, saying, “It’s too much trouble, I’m late, I look like crap and I won’t enjoy myself.” I won the fight and went out anyway. I view everything as some chore or obligation that I have to rush to do, even if I enjoy it. My mindset needs to change so I can stop tainting the things I love to do. Stop rushing. Yes, you need to plan things out. That is the responsible thing to do. Regardless, I’m going to do that. I’ve LEARNED that lesson. Now I have to learn the opposite lesson – not everything is a huge deal. It isn’t the end of the world if I am late. It isn’t the end of the world if I have to cancel something or if plans change. Just KNOWING that will reduce the stress and help me get things done faster, because all the time I spend stressing out will be freed up.

What things in your life are you unbalanced on? How can you move closer to a more balanced life? What lessons do you need to learn to do that?

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