In case you’re new to this blog, this particular post
needs a slight back story. The one thing that gets me the most upset and angry
in the entire world is porn and sex & nudity in tv and movies. Nothing
upsets me more. Nothing. I see red and I’m just not even responsible for my
reactions to anything anymore. I get a physical reaction of anger, sadness, my
chest hurts, I slump over and feel violated, my heart races, my eyes well-up, I
can’t watch, and it just physically tortures the crap out of me. Aside from the
emotional and physical reactions, I am completely and totally morally against
that crap. Nudity is not appropriate to be displayed everywhere, and definitely
not sex. For one, sex is a PRIVATE and intimate thing for a couple, not
something you WATCH. Second, all this crap completely objectifies women. Third,
it is desensitizing everyone to this stuff, and making men even more indulgent
and wanting and expecting that kind of stuff instantly, because they can so
easily get to it in the blink of an eye. There is no decency anymore…
This has caused many issues for me, not only in my own
well-being, but clearly in relationships and even friendships. Don’t even bring
this stuff up or I will completely lose it and tell you what a horrible
disgusting hedonistic scumbag you are.
So now you know the back story, a little bit. I think I
got my point across.
As I began my spiritual journey and read The Untethered Soul, the book explained
why certain things can really upset you and how you can see it everywhere and
freak out about it when it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else – in fact, no one
else even notices. I never understood why no one else, even those who were
against it, seemed to be as bothered as I was. Now I get it. I was letting it
control my life. There is such a wonderful example in the book that I won’t
even try to explain, but it gets the point across beautifully. The stuff hurts
me, so I’ve decided to just reject it, but then I have to spend my whole life
protecting myself from it, when really I should just be trying to figure out
why it bothers me so much. There are VALID REASONS to be against it, because it
truly is disgusting. But it affects me a little too much. So I started trying
to tackle those issues, and I felt like I’d made a little progress but it hadn’t
really been tested. I figure I need to get the rest of my life and my issues
tackled fairly well before I start going for the BIG issue – and I felt like I’ve
been doing a great job, so I figured it might be time.
Usually, when I plan to see a movie, I check the rating
to make sure there will be no nudity or sex. Today I went to see a movie
without checking the rating – on purpose. It’s like Russian roulette with my
fears/emotions. I wanted to test out how my spiritual journey and realizations
has affected my ability to stomach the content in movies. I realized I may have
upped the stakes by going to the movie WITH someone, since that somewhat
changes the dynamic – I should probably make sure I can handle that stuff by
myself before I add the awkwardness of being around other people. But whatever,
I realized that too late.
So what happened?
Well the movie had a full shot of, essentially, a bed
full of naked women. One in particular that was the focal point of the shot,
and she was seen in her entirety. And the shot lasted more than was comfortable
(well, duh, the whole shot was uncomfortable, but hopefully you know what I
mean?).
I guess I’ll try to dissect what went through my mind. I
guess it went something like this:
Oh geez, here it
is. Okay, it’s just a body… the only reason it bothers me is because of extra
meaning I put on it. Okay, this shot is lasting too long, I feel awkward,
diverting my eyes… okay the shot still isn’t going away… it’s okay, it’s just a
body… Just a body. Not a big deal. Just let the image pass without getting
blocked in my mind by all my painful emotions. It’s just an image, it isn’t
going to hurt me or do anything. No one else notices it in this way, it’s just
me because I give it extra meaning. It’s okay. This image doesn’t affect me or
my life. Just let it pass.
Having read The
Untethered Soul, I now know that others don’t see those images the same way
I do, and the reason it bothers me is because I let it get blocked instead of
letting the situation just pass through me like other things you see around you
– maybe someone getting up from the movie to go to the bathroom. You just let
that pass through you, and yet this image sticks and wreaks havoc on my mind.
So when I saw the image, I hated it and it made me uncomfortable, BUT I did not
have that upset physical reaction to it. Really, I almost felt that feeling
START… but then, as it says in The
Untethered Soul, when that moment happens, you can let it take over, or you
can just fall behind it and let it pass. I let it pass!!!
I was lucky enough that nothing was HAPPENING in that
scene, so this was a good test and progress indicator at a low level. I was
happy to know that, emotionally, I was able to let it go and enjoy the rest of
the movie – something I’ve NEVER been able to do before. Usually, from that
point forward, I’m upset, angry, sad, heart racing, mad at whoever I’m with,
mad at the people who made the movie, mad at the world for thinking crap like
that is okay to display everywhere… but this time, I let it go. I didn’t let it
ruin my mood. DO YOU KNOW HOW HUGE THAT IS!?!?
That just goes to show that people can change and you can
work through your issues. That’s some PROOF right there. I’m not “fixed”,
whatever that means, and I don’t even want to be, because I’m never going to be
okay with that stuff. But I’m successfully making progress working through
whatever issues pop up when I see that stuff. I’m making progress such that it
isn’t affecting me as much as it once was. That is FANTASTIC. I don’t have to
be AFRAID of it being in movies anymore. Okay, well let’s not get ahead of
ourselves… there is worse than what I saw today…
It’ll be interesting to see what progress I make when it
comes to this stuff and relationships…….. stay tuned to find out, I guess ;)
Are there any big issues that you have? Is it affecting
you more than it should? Can you be brave and start trying to conquer those
fears, even if you are RIGHT for being against something? Can you separate out
what is YOU and what is a legitimate argument against it?
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