A Lesson In My "No One 'Gets' Me!" Issue

Today I had a double lesson. I feel like I learned a lesson, and then was immediately hit with a similar situation to see if I could apply it.

I heard an interview with a comedian where he discussed such insightful and profound truths in a somewhat light-hearted way, and I just HAD to share it with one of my friends. I thought it was amazing and showed how I viewed people in that aspect and would help him see his actions and reactions for what they were and would help him grow and have a moment of enlightenment.

He did not have the reaction I expected.

He was laughing at parts I didn't think he should be laughing at, and when he was trying to express that he did get the message, it was all wrong. It was all surface-stuff. Too literal. He didn't see how it applied to MORE than the EXAMPLE. It translates into a whole MENTALITY and PERSPECTIVE.

It started really upsetting me, and I, of course, began explaining what he SHOULD have gotten out of that video.

As a self-aware person, the more upset I got, the more confused I got. Why was it upsetting me so much? I know him being "wrong" isn't what was upsetting me, so why was it getting to me? Did I want to be appreciated for helping him? Was it a control thing? What was my problem?

So I got some space and thought about it. None of the things I just mentioned felt right, so I kept diving deeper into these feelings, and I realized what it was.

It upsets me so much because it reminds me how alone I am when people won't get on my level, mentally.

I'm really just saying, "Join me! Hear me! Understand me! I'm not alone, you're with me, right? You see what I see, right?" and it's like he is saying "No."

But he's not. That's ridiculous. It clearly isn't about me. But that's how I'm taking it - as a reminder how alone and misunderstood I am. I want people to join me on this journey, to understand things I've known forever and to understand all the pains that have caused the issues I have. To "get" me. I don't want to be alone. That's the underlying issue there.

So then later a few of us started talking about hobbies. One friend's hobbies are all expensive projects, and I keep telling him to look for other things to enjoy. He was complaining about not having the money to do things he enjoyed. I jumped in and tried to convey the message that the mentality of "I need money to do things I enjoy and to be happy" is the problem. They both said together, "But you DO need money." Annoyed, I said, "Yes, I understand that, but living in that perspective is blocking you from getting out of that mindset and finding things you enjoy." They acted like I was crazy.

They just are not hearing what I'm saying. They are living in the "lack" and "excuse" mentality and defending it against my words. Like I told them, I'm not arguing that that's not true, I'm just saying don't let it stop you from finding activities to enjoy and being happy - make it work. It's that MINDSET that is keeping you from finding things to enjoy. It's a limiting belief! It’s a blocker! An excuse! Hear me!!! Understand me!! What I’m saying is true, how are you not comprehending it!! How am I not communicating it effectively enough??

As someone who has read all these books and reads The Daily Love, this is just a no-brainer. But to them it was ridiculous.

I took it a step further in my head. I imagined them judging me like I don't know the value of money or something. People have done that before. THEY’VE done that before. Attacking me and discrediting me doesn't make what I'm saying any less true...... It's the exact same thing that we all do in every area of our lives.

"I can't take part in activities I enjoy because I have no money."

Same for me, except mine is:

"I can't take part in activities I enjoy because I'm not skinny yet."

Same concept, same perspective, same kind of limiting beliefs.

Either they refuse to hear me, or I'm projecting my own issues that I'm currently conquering onto them. Or both. Or, to be fair, neither. Regardless, I started getting upset about it, but then I remembered the situation earlier when I realized I was only upset because it reminded me how alone I was. Then it started to not bother me as much, and faded away.

The truth will set you free!

It exposes another issue of mine, though. I hate it when I feel people think I said something stupid or ignorant, when I know I didn't. That's a huge issue for me. Like when they said, "....But you DO need money." It's like, yeah, duh, you need money to survive in this society. I get that. I'm not arguing it. But don't use it as an excuse. Stop using it as an excuse to not live your life. Stop using it as an excuse why you can't do the things you love. You don't have the time, the money, the looks... they are all excuses. If it matters to you, you will find a way. You just want to be miserable, so you are. I know that's what I've been doing, and I know that's what some of them are doing, too. They just can see it deep enough. They are just looking at it on the surface.

But it's not my problem. I shouldn't get so worked up about it. It's not my job to fix them, and it's not their job to meet me at my level just so I can be happy about it and not feel alone. They are doing perfectly fine on their journey at their own pace. Don't take it so personally that they don't see what you are saying. It's not a reason to get defensive or upset. I just feel like I have to defend what I said to change their idea that I said something ignorant… because I’m terrified of being seen as ignorant, because I’m not… I probably have that fear because of how I was raised….

Sigh. We all have these moments, when we start getting upset and there is no logical reason why it should be upsetting us that much. The important thing is that we are aware and exercise as much patience and compassion as possible, not only to those who are upsetting us, but to ourselves, as well.