We're Already Living a Lie

So I was reflecting and meditating on some of my walls and fears. A huge game-stopper for me is being lied to. Obviously no one wants to be lied to. Maybe some people are more okay with it than me in certain circumstances, but in general, no one wants to be lied to. Depending on what the lie is determines the severity of the pain it causes. So it really isn’t even the lie itself. The thing that was lied about is just amplified by the lie.

I’ve been trying to practice the concept of allowing thoughts that I reject into my head and heart so I can analyze them fully. I am terrified of someone keeping stuff from me, and living a lie, because I want complete honesty, no matter what. I suggested to myself the concept of “is it really that bad?” and I immediately and violently rejected even the suggestion of the thought. Having read and realized what I have, however, I saw that this was yet another wall that I needed to sort through. Just as I’ve done before with other topics, I decided to tell myself, “Okay. This is how you feel about it. That isn’t going to change. Now, let’s pretend for a minute that it isn’t horrible, and just explore that for a second.”

It’s painful to even write like this because I disagree with and hate lying so much, but okay, let’s do it.

Is it really that horrible if someone lies to you? What does it change, exactly? It only changes your mental framework of the reality you live in. Maybe it changes your opinion of someone. In general, so what? Actually, we are already living a lie – someone’s lie has a hand in everything around us. Anyone we interact with is propping themselves up with their words. Everyone. As we know, everyone’s personality was created to protect their ego from pain, so every word they say is somewhat tainted. Companies can “lie” about their products being better than they are. Advertisements lie about how much fun someone is having – it is all scripted. Television lies, pretending it is reality. People bragging are really just grasping for reasons to love and feel good about themselves. Everything is already a lie. These lies have shaped our whole lives and our whole idea of reality. Lies are people’s means of self-preservation, because they can’t accept themselves for who they are. They are scared. They don’t want to deal with the consequences of telling the truth.

That’s not okay, but we are already surrounded by lies daily, and that doesn’t seem to faze us. We’ve gotten used to some lies. That’s kind of scary and eye-opening, if you ask me.

So knowing that, let’s look at lying again. If you’re expecting 100% honesty, you’ve come to the wrong planet. I think what you have to do is expect people to tell you what they are comfortable with sharing. If they’re lying, they’re scared of rejection and pain. If they are lying, they must know they have done something wrong. I’m not condoning lying – the people doing it have their own issues they really need to work through. In the worst cases, they are lying to themselves and cheating themselves out of a real life and meaningful relationships. So really it is just sad. I guess we have to accept that almost everything is already a lie, and understand why that is.

As far as using this in daily life – that’s the tricky part, as always. If you found out someone lied, first stop to think about why they did it. Put yourself in their shoes. What pain and rejection were they scared of? Depending on the lie, that may be good enough for you. You can have a good talk about how they don’t need to be afraid. If it was bigger, or it is a reoccurring lie, that’s another story. You’ll have to delve deeper into the fears and pain behind that.

Just remember that everyone is broken, running around trying to prove themselves and feel good about themselves. Not all the ways people do this is honorable. In fact, technically, NO way people do this is honorable.

I don’t know. I’m still terrified of lies. I understand all of what I’ve written here. I get it. Still – I don’t want to be lied to. I don’t want to have some sense of reality, and then have it shattered. The biggest example of that is having a spouse that cheats on you. Or even a boyfriend that cheats on you. That’s just the ultimate betrayal, and then to have them come back to you and act like nothing has happened – I can’t even imagine, and I don’t want to ever have to imagine. I don’t want that to ever happen. No one does.

I feel like if that happened to me, I would literally never trust anyone ever again. That would break me. That happens every day, though. Especially now, the way society has gone. People cheat all the time. I hate it. What’s wrong with these people? Oh, I know. They are boosting their egos. Being desired and getting attention from other people makes them feel good. Not to mention the added high of sex. They are really broken. That doesn’t make it okay. I hope they realize that no amount of cheating is going to fix that. If you’re having self-worth issues, you’re having self-worth issues. Betraying someone is only going to make those issues worse in the long-run…

Seems like I reject my previous statements, huh? Not completely I guess. The point isn’t to condone, it is to not let it break me. People living out their lies isn’t okay. They have problems. But it’s going to happen, and you just have to understand why, take whatever actions are necessary, and then let it go and move on.

Hopefully if I ever have to go through someone lying to me (again), I’ll remember what I’ve said here, and I can save myself by applying it. In the meantime, maybe I can work on not being so paranoid about people lying. Chances are, if you show them you are a safe-zone where you will accept them no matter what, they won’t feel the need to lie to you.

This whole acceptance thing is hard!