Is Confidence Really Just Competing?

This post is about things I realized while people-watching at the beach.

What I saw: Girl prancing around with that slutty hairdo in a slutty bikini acting stupid and slutty. I feel anger. Judgment. Disgust.

Then I realized: She's competing. She's trying to be the hottest thing around because she's trying to prove her worth based on what she's learned in life. What some guys think is confidence isn't confidence at all. Confidence is competing. You're playing the game and you're trying to win. That's not confidence at all, that's the opposite. You're trying to prove yourself because you're NOT confident, and you think playing this game and winning will prove your worth to everyone. That's why those kinds of girls are like that - they like all this girly pretty stuff because they think that's what guys want, so they try to be the girliest, cutest, prettiest, most gentle and helpless thing because that's what they've learned guys want. And then there's me. You know what I'm doing? I'm no better. I'm rebelling. I say, screw all that. I'm not playing. I want a guy who doesn't want any of that. But I'm still in the game... I'm not just not participating. I'm actively doing the opposite of what the norm is. I'm still playing the game.

What I saw: Girl and boyfriend arrive at the beach. Guy leaves girl to go surf. She watches as he runs out into the ocean. Then you see her return focus to herself as she has a "sigh" moment. He left her, he is off having fun, and now she is alone. It's questionable if he started trying to show off, but she was clearly lost in her thoughts, looking around. Then something depressing happened. She started doing crunches. Doing crunches isn't depressing, but in this situation it was. He was off having fun, so her first thought is to improve her appearance.

Then I realized: Girls are supposed to look good; guys are supposed to be good at everything. So they go out having all the fun doing everything, and we're supposed to sit back and watch while looking pretty. Girls are so busy looking pretty to impress the guy, and the guy is so busy proving he is good and skillful at something, that both efforts are lost.... Unless someone ELSE is watching. Then they are impressed, because they are not playing in that game - they are observing. Well you can see where that cycle is going, if you're not careful.

Everyone is trying to prove their worth based on whatever yardstick has been engrained into them. For some it is looks; for some it is self-sufficiency; for some it is power and success; for some it is even religion. Some people have gotten so twisted that they have become “evil”. I’m starting to wonder if, yes they are dangerous, but just because they’ve gotten so messed up by their fears, walls and judging themselves based on these yardsticks. That’s not to say they can ever change – the exact right thing has to get through at the exact right time and spot – so some people may never come back from it. They may be “evil” for the rest of their lives. It just isn't "evil" in the conventional sense. So I guess just know that if you feel yourself going over to the dark side, know that your fears and judgments have brought you there, and they can be overcome. We can’t help or fix everyone, but for those who are willing, a seed can be planted that they must nurture so it can grow and blossom.