Ignore the Opinions of Others - YOU ARE AMAZING!

Okay, okay… some days work better than others for the whole “believe and act like you are amazing” thing. Today was not one of those days. I tried really hard, and honestly I did pretty well, but the day was extremely exhausting and stressful.

I was aware of what was happening and was trying to counter it the whole time, but I’m just not a complete expert yet, I guess. I started the day by thinking about some depressing topics. I’d stop myself and remind myself of positive things. For example, thinking about how guys suck and they are all perverts fighting their hormones and no guy is going to be the respectful, genuine, pure person I want them to be. Then of course I tried to remind myself, okay, that's what I want NOW, and sure maybe that doesn’t exist, but what I want and what I’m able to handle will change. Really??? I’m going to become okay with how perverted guys are these days??? Is that really a goal I want to have? Sigh. I tried to remind myself that people are doing the best they can, and maybe if people learn from their mistakes… and then my mind would argue the counterpoint… eventually I got myself to STOP ARGUING INSIDE MY HEAD and just get back to the present moment. But I was tired and now kinda ticked off, so that’s how I started my day…

I got myself to a decent attitude for the day. Remembering to bring myself back to confidence at various times, and to not be afraid to fully express that confidence. To not feel like expressing that confidence was aggressive or bad. I was already confident, but I just needed to… exude confidence and fully embody it instead of trying to come off “approachable”. I just needed to push it a little further.

Then the whole “submissive” thing came up again. This time it ticked me off. This time I wanted to fight. I didn’t, but I wanted to. I wanted to be like, “Calling me submissive says less about me than it does about you. Just because I don’t have problems with authority and I don’t declare to be an expert on something when I’m not and I have self-control doesn’t mean I’m submissive – it means I’m MATURE and GROWN UP and a GOOD EMPLOYEE.” That would have been bad if I’d said that, right? That would have been defensive and started a fight, right? Putting other people down doesn’t make you look better… yeah, I know. So I didn’t say it. But it still was eating away at me. It really ate away at me today. It took so much effort to tell myself “Consider the source” and “Stand behind your words” and “Don’t let other people’s FEARS affect you” and “Remember WHO YOU ARE”. I know where he is coming from. And it DOES shed light on why HE is the way he is.

But seriously, WHY am I letting him get to me?

EVENTUALLY I had that thought, and it did kinda shut me up. Why was I letting HIM get to me? Seriously??

I guess when you build a relationship with someone, be it professional, friendly or intimate, you start to put stock in their opinions, because you can UNDERSTAND their opinions a little better than any random person’s opinions. Because you have some sort of relationship with them, you put more faith in what they say, so it bothers you more. Those are the REALLY dangerous ones. You can’t do that. Even if EVERYONE agrees with this person (which they usually DON’T), you can’t decide that YOU believe it or that it is worth getting mad about. I KNOW that I’m not submissive, but that just so happens to be one issue that is near and dear to me. I’ve made a POINT to not be submissive in life or in any of my relationships. I’ve PRIDED myself on that, and possibly have gone the other extreme – I am the DOMINANT one in my relationships. I know that the person saying it doesn’t actually mean “submissive” - he means that I need to show more confidence and have more faith in my WORK skills in the context of the WORK environment. I know what he means, and he is using the wrong word for his meaning. But “submissive” is a very charged word for me. I kept trying to remind myself that what I’m MAKING it mean is not what he meant. That’s only half the problem – but still, it means what I’m upset about isn’t applicable. But I hate that word, and it bothers me.

I tried to remember the compliments I got from other co-workers. I know when to speak up and when to not speak up. The one calling me “submissive” does not have that skill. Again, why am I letting it get to me?? It’s just a hot word for me, I guess.

Don’t fixate on someone else’s analysis of you. I KNOW that his past and his values are causing him to project the “opposite” traits onto others and deem them as “bad”. That completely explains why HE is the way he is. I’m the more balanced between the two, here. Sure, I can make more efforts to get towards the center – but I am NOT submissive. I have a very good balance, but I could stand to have a little more faith in myself. He labeled me this way for his own reasons. That’s how he sees life. That’s how he views people, and that’s why he acts the way he does. I do not need to feel angry at him or question myself due to his accusations. I KNOW that.

I fought with my ego today. I fought SO much, because I KNOW all of this. My emotions tried to get the best of me, and tried to get me defensive and angry, but I knew I didn’t have to think about things that way. I know that. I know the opinions of others has nothing to do with the truth. It was just so EXHAUSTING to work so hard to ignore my ego. It was so exhausting that I was depleted and had no energy or patience for anything else.

That’s not good.

But I made it. I made it through the day. I made it through this experience. I know the truth, it was just a lot of effort to keep myself from freaking out and attacking back. As time goes on, it will get easier. Honestly, it would feel so good and be so much less effort to just let it go. I know that. I’m spending more energy now than I will in the future. I’m just USED to spending all that energy.

Don’t listen to other people. Even if there is a seed of truth in what they are saying, do not let their entire conclusion get to you. That’s just how THEY view the world. YOU know yourself better than they do. YOU know that the conclusion is not true. You can take a couple pointers and bring yourself more towards the center, but you do not embody some stereotype. You don’t. Don’t look for those traits in yourself. Take note of how you are growing. If you are growing in those ways, then that’s all that matters. They’ll figure it out eventually. THEY don’t matter. YOU matter. LOVING YOURSELF matters.

Again, don’t EVER let someone else’s opinion of you become how you think of yourself – ESPECIALLY if they are family or a close friend. ESPECIALLY. Because those are the ones we give our trust over to sometimes. Those are the ones that are dangerous to us if we decide they might have a point. Don’t EVER do it. If your family or close friends are saying ANYTHING negative about you, and you are the type that gets down on yourself…. DON’T YOU DARE LISTEN TO THEM. I don’t care HOW well they know you or HOW long they have known you. Do not let them bring you down. Don’t let them. You are free of all of those labels and accusations. You are all powerful. You can do and be anything you want. If you want to listen to them, then take what they say at 5%. Yep, just 5. A tiny, tiny percentage. Don’t ever get down on yourself, because you will not grow and you will NOT be happy. Ignore everyone else, and just be fulfilled and happy and loving. Learn the lessons life gives to you, but do not declare yourself a failure or a certain type of person.

Okay I’m done with my lecture. Just remember that no one’s opinions matter. It has more to do with them than it has to do with you. YOU ARE AMAZING.