Monday, February 17, 2014

Know That You Are Awesome, Even Outside Your Comfort Zone

I was reading some articles from The Daily Love that talk about common insecurities women have.

First of all, I don’t feel as offended reading about them now. They usually don’t apply to me, so they annoy me, but now I know I don’t have to PROVE that they don’t apply to me. I’d read them and think, “That’s like the OPPOSITE of my problem – their problem is so pathetic! Why is this article accusing me of having that problem!! I don’t have it!!” So I’ve moved beyond having mental battles with articles like that, haha. Whew!

The point I really wanted to get to was that, some women (scratch that – PEOPLE) think they are not enough based on their framework of reality. They think people will “find out” that they are not perfect, or people will lose interest or get bored with them. Like I said, not my problem. I know I am awesome. I’m fine with people getting “bored” or “losing interest” because that doesn’t even make sense to me – if they can do that, they are not right for me, so we can go our separate ways. Granted that hasn’t really happened to me, either, at least not since early high school! And also because I’ve kept people at bay… hmmm.

The problem I DO have is that I know I am awesome based on my framework of reality, but that means I have to stay within my wheelhouse to believe that about myself. I’ve refused to step into a reality where I am not awesome, because I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. So everything that I am awesome at, that’s what makes a worthy, lovable, awesome person. Anything I suck at or haven’t done – it’s horrible, bad, immature, it doesn’t matter, whatever. See the problem? Limiting beliefs. It sure is comfortable in this particular set of limiting beliefs, but I have to hide away from so many other things in life to feel that way. For example, take how I feel about sexual content in the media. I have very intense negative physical reactions and an overwhelming sense of doom concerning that stuff. I can’t handle it. Because yes, I am awesome, but not in that area. So I reject it. Well, not “so I reject it”. That topic is really really complex for me and I’ve only begun to scratch the surface. But I’ve made some tremendous progress on the foundation of where that repulsion was built, and I know eventually I’ll have a healthy balance of feelings about that stuff. It helps to know that I’m not WRONG to have issues with it, it’s just why and how much I am against it that is the problem. There’s a healthy balance. I will get there.

Aside from that, my feeling awesome where I am now keeps me from GROWING. It keeps me from stepping OUT into the UNKNOWN, because I have to STAY where I KNOW I am awesome. It is so sad to think that I have restricted myself in these ways. I consciously know I am awesome, but unconsciously I don’t think I will be if I stray from the known.

Well that is all changing. I get it now. No matter what happens, I am awesome. I can fail, I can screw up, I can make a mistake and I will still be awesome. In fact, screwing up and failing means I have a chance to turn it around. I have a growth opportunity before me. I don’t fear failure as much anymore. Conceptually I don’t, at least. Presented with a situation, sure, I bet I’ll be terrified. But armed with the knowledge that it is not the end of the world, I believe I’d be able to get through it and come out stronger. It’s all those mental tools that I just did not have before. Now I have them. Now I know better. So now I am EXCITED to go out into the unknown, because a) I trust myself, and b) If I screw up, so what? It takes ALL the pressure away, and replaces it with peace, freedom and joy.

I never even ALLOWED myself to be in a situation where I felt like I wasn’t awesome. I thought that was a good thing – now I realize it is probably way worse than people who are at least COMFORTABLE existing in a world where they know they are not Number One. It’s interesting, how we all handle situations in a different way. We are all brave and clever in our own ways, and our egos set-up our worlds in such a certain way – a way we can process in our minds. But we just have to know how awesome we all are, even in the midst of the unknown! Even if we fail! Even if we have no idea what we are doing! We are all still awesome!

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