Sunday, February 2, 2014

Preparing for The Hero's Journey

In addition to the stress, work and sickness, I began Mastin Kipp’s Follow Your Bliss Love Uni-versity class this week. What’s amazing is that I read up on our first topic, the stages of The Hero’s Journey, and yet reading about them had zero impact on me emotionally, while the class made a huge impact, to the point where I was crying. Evidence of a fantastic class!

What made me cry was realizing what in my life had to “die” in order for me to make the next necessary steps in my life. And for me, I know that is going to be losing the approval of my parents. My entire life I’ve worked my butt off trying to be what they expected of me, in hopes that I would prove my worth not only to them, but to myself - prove my worth as a human being. I’ve finally seemed to “fix” my relationship with them, so it feels horrible to think that as I continue to follow my heart and pursue my passions, I will lose their support. It’s not only that – they are the only support system I have. I don’t have any major friendships or extended family (with one exception). Once I make that break, I will be completely on my own. I’ll have to be able to handle the fact that they will most likely be “worried” and “disappointed” in me, which really screws with my head. I’ll have to be able to handle all the failures I am sure to have, because that’s just part of the process. I expect to fall a long way from my comfy secure lifestyle that I have now. I expect to be called irresponsible and crazy. And honestly I don’t know that I can handle all of that right now, because my self-confidence is gaining momentum, but is still very fragile right now.

I’ve read so many things that talk about how there is never a perfect time, and you have to just jump right in and figure it out as you go. However, you take in all that advice, you listen to your gut, and you find the right balance for you. I also know that no experience is wasted, and I see so much opportunity for growth around me right where I am. I think “jumping in” for me can mean something other than a completely drastic change. There are so many things I want to research and straighten out in my life in preparation for an even bigger move. I don’t think you have to always blindly jump. It’s really hard listening to all the various forms of advice and determining what works for me, but I think I’m finally trusting my own intuition above whatever voice I’ve deemed to be “right”, which used to be my parents, and then was this whole spiritual community. But I think now that I’ve made that 180, it is finally coming back to the center; to the truth; to me. Finally!

Acknowledging that I will most likely lose the approval of my parents was heart-shattering, but the thing about the Hero’s Journey is that there is also a Return stage. I’m hoping that even if they do have issues with my path, eventually they will see that this was the only way, and they will respect me more for it. I was such a sheltered and obedient kid (as much as they hate to admit it) that my parents have not had to go through that separation stage that most parents go through… I guess when their kids go to college? They lucked out, but now it is time, and sure, that may be confusing and painful for us all, but it has to happen. And hey – maybe they will surprise me and be completely on board! Ha, I doubt it, but it is possible! I just can’t continue to live my life this way for fear of hurting their feelings, ya know? Their plan for me didn’t even extend beyond this point – I made it, and now I’m just sitting here. And honestly, I don’t know what comes next. I guess that’s the point, though. Like I’ve been saying, I bet everything I’ve done will play a role in what I end up doing. It wasn’t a waste; it wasn’t “wrong” – it’s just that now I need to free up my heart, my mind and my life for what I’m really supposed to be doing.

I love helping people with their emotions and perspectives. I love helping people feel understood and yet see a different way of thinking, and time has shown that I’m pretty dang good at it. But I also love dance. And art. And poetry. And I enjoy singing. Some of those things I haven’t done in ages. I’ve made a resolution this year to make those passions a priority, so I’m hoping that diving into those things will open my heart to receive direction as far as my true purpose. I think THAT is the “Call” I must answer right now. I don’t think my call is to quit my job and travel the world – just yet. I think this year will be a year of action, but of preparatory action. 2013 was laying the mental foundation for the training and preparation that will occur this year, and then maybe next year will be the big drastic changes. The point is, who knows! But I don’t need to stress myself out by thinking I need to do something huge right now. I need to do what feels right. Start where you are. This is where I am. I’m working on so many aspects of myself right now. I need to focus my time and energy on those, and get ready for when the game changes and stakes get higher.

Are you listening to your own Inner Guide? Are you rushing your progress? What will have to “die” in your life in order for your journey to move to the next level?

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