Saturday, February 8, 2014

Taking the Next Step

So I applied to go on one of the retreats offered by our favorite spiritual and inspirational blog community! I finally made the decision that this would be a great next step in my journey. As my readers, you know I’ve made a lot of progress over the last year or so, but I am still living in my “ordinary world”. All the changes I’ve made so far are still very safe and very private (hence the anonymous blog). In order to grow, I will have to take that next big step – make things public. Add that level of vulnerability and accountability by standing in front of other people, declaring my needs and goals, and getting support and working towards the big life changes that will really set me on the path to happiness, love and contribution. At this point, I’m still hanging on to the safe, secure routine that feeds into my misery. I’m preparing my mind for that next big step. I’m looking at the world in a new way, and I’m gaining unconditional confidence in myself. At some point, I’m going to have to make that jump!

The scary part is that I don’t even know where I am jumping to! All I know is that I feel like I am off course. Do I want to go into psychology and become a psychologist, life coach, or rehabilitate people in prison like I mentioned before? Or do I want to do something with art, music or dance? Or do I want to continue software engineering, but incorporate some other side of my personality? Maybe I could work in computer animation, or do software development for psychology or art companies? Maybe it is something completely different that I haven’t thought of yet!

The point is that something needs to change. I’m not being true to myself, I’m not getting my needs met, and I’m not following my calling. And one major way I need to step out of my comfort zone is to call out for support from other human beings. I’m not interacting with many people these days. I’m thoroughly enjoying the people I do interact with, but I need more. I need a social life, of sorts. I need a certain kind of friendship, support system, and social circle. I’ve started reaching out, but it is so easy to hide back in my shell. I’m used to it. I’m busy, they’re busy, they don’t want to hear from me – whatever stories I am telling myself, I need to quit it. I need to put myself out there in front of people, allow myself to be vulnerable and take that next step!

So I filled out the very long and intense application. And then I got the phone interview, where I talked about why I wanted to go on the retreat. And then they reviewed my information.

And guess what?

I WAS SELECTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very small number of people out of who knows how many applicants are invited to go. And I’m one of them!!!!!!

What’s interesting is that I KNEW. I felt it. I felt like this was right. I know now that the Uni-verse supports you when you are making the right choices, and when you are ready. So as soon as I started applying, I felt like it was going to happen. And again, I felt bad that I felt like it was going to happen. I felt arrogant. And I knew that even if it didn’t happen, that would be fine. The Uni-verse would just be saying I wasn’t quite ready yet. But I knew this was the next step for me, so I knew it had to happen. And it did!

I’m just filled with joy! I’m doing it! I’m making myself a priority, and I am taking charge of my life! I’m making changes! I AM going to be happy in my life! I’m on my way! It is SO exciting!

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