Update on My Biggest Trigger

I want to give another update with how I feel about my biggest and most upsetting trigger – sexual content and porn. I think it is important that I continually check-in with my thoughts on this topic so I can track my progression.

I feel that when a couple of my friends heard that I was working on this issue, they (as males) encouraged me to be okay with it, condone it and allow it. That’s what they’d like to see from me, and that’s what they assumed I meant.

Absolutely not.

Here’s what is actually happening… First of all, I’m not allowing my disgust with it to take over my life. That was one of the biggest lessons I learned from The Untethered Soul concerning the thorn – don’t spend your entire life diligently tending to the thorn in your side, just take the thorn out.

Actually, every single thing I’ve been realizing, practically, has softened the edges of my issues with sexual content in the media. There is a balance, and I was too far to one side. Yes, it is true, appearance is not everything. This obsession our society has is bad. However, each individual person I am labeling as a slut is a human being with their own fears and hopes. Just because a concept and a perspective is bad does not mean that person is bad. I no longer decide that she is selfishly, desperately and pathetically whoring her body out to make money, get attention or manipulate people (although she may be, but that's not the point). I don’t focus on all that judgment and story-telling anymore. It’s just a woman, and I can be happy for her that she has a healthy body and send her love and light. Did you hear that? I can be happy FOR her. And if guys want to make it disgusting and creepy, then I can feel bad for them. That’s actually probably part of my problem – I hang out with too many guys, and I hear all the vulgar things they say. Which leads me to another point – not all guys think that way, and even for the ones that do, they are just self-medicating and numbing their unprocessed emotions by focusing on pleasurable things. Sure, it is truly offensive, but that isn’t my problem. The fact that a couple guys think that way does not affect me or my life. I can choose to walk away. Their judgment says nothing about reality. Those are their own lessons to learn in their own time, and if I can suggest some alternative perspectives, great, but if they don’t care to hear it, whatever. As long as they are not hurting anyone, it really doesn’t matter to me and does not have anything to do with me.

What goes hand-in-hand with all of this is what you might expect – I’ve begun to respect and love my own body, as well. I’ve begun to appreciate the body for all it does, all it tolerates and how sensitive it can be to our self-hatred. I’ve begun to care for and nurture my own body, almost as if it were a child. I’ve been so critical and harsh to it, and so it has literally built walls to protect itself. I’ve been reading A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson, and it is truly as fantastic as you would imagine. My only beef with it is that I do not have an overeating problem – I eat too little, if anything, and I remain constantly stressed and sedentary, which are the true culprits. However, people always try to give advice about the amount of food I eat, which is completely ignorant advice, but makes me self-conscious nonetheless. I’ve obviously been working on that, trusting my inner-wisdom more, and not letting other people’s opinions fluster me. Simply by replacing the words in the book about overeating in my mind I’ve been able to get beyond it. I simply replace it with unhealthy eating and unhealthy lifestyle, and I’m all set. When she talks about cravings for food to numb pain, I think about craving to curl up in a ball where I am safe as my own drug to counter any stress I am under. All the other concepts are truly brilliant, while at the same time so obvious when you think about it! I really recommend the book, not only to people with food and weight problems, but to people with any sort of addiction or unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I can truly say that I love my body and I am happy and grateful for it. I don’t like everything about it, but I still love it and want to treat it with kindness. Everything that’s wrong with it, I have done to it. And now I am correcting it.

So in short, I no longer obsess over how horrible the sexual content and porn in society is. I have so many better things to think about and do than to stress myself out about it. I no longer vilify women who are shown in a sexual manner. I can just see them as a spirit residing in a human body, and I can be happy for them if their body is healthy. I will never be okay with pornography. It is truly degrading, indecent, unnatural and indulgent. However, I think I accept that some people have issues where they prefer to view it. They have their own issues, and that is how they cope. It is what it is. As for how it would affect future relationships I might have, this is all I can say at this time… I now believe people can change in their lives. People mature and look back on things they did and wonder what they were thinking. I don’t think it will bother me as much now if a future love interest has seen it in his life, as long as he has a healthy view of it now. I won’t try to dictate what that view might be, but I’ll know it when I hear it. I’m sure there are many views that would be acceptable to me. While I still find it offensive and disgusting, I don’t think it will cause my heart to drop, my pulse to race and my anger to rise the way it did before. But who knows – this theory is all well and good until I’m confronted face to face with a new love interest and this subject comes up!

Have you been tackling any big triggers lately? How have you been holding up? What progress have you made?