Here's Why We Become Introverts and Extroverts!

Note: If you still believe introverts are defined as being shy and quiet and extroverts are social butterflies, first let me correct you. That is an incorrect stereotype spread by people who don’t understand. Introversion and extroversion is about how you get your energy. There are many differences, but the main one is that introverts can become exhausted by interactions with people, and they need time by themselves to recharge and gain mental energy. Extroverts need interactions with people to gain energy and recharge - otherwise they become under-stimulated. Learn more by reading The Introvert Advantage, or read this synopsis: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

I made a realization last night. I believe I figured out how people turn into extroverts and introverts.

I have no idea if my theories have already been studied. I want to write this out before I look it up.

I’ll explain my theory using the 2 extremes of the spectrum:

EXTROVERTS didn’t receive enough attention from one or both of their parents. They grow up wanting that external validation. They grow up with a mentality of, “Look at me! Pay attention to me! Look what I can do!” They need that external validation and attention to feel worthy of love. That’s why they get their energy from interactions with people – because when they communicate and interact with others, they use it as a way to get the attention they crave – that they learned to crave from an early age. When they don’t get that attention, they believe they have failed or are unworthy and it makes them upset and insecure, just like with their parents.

INTROVERTS had overbearing parents who were constantly involved. They grew up with expectations about how they needed to be in order to receive love and to be worthy of love. Their parents were always in their ear judging them, critiquing them, guiding them and instilling those expectations in them as standards and values. For introverts, they learn that interactions with people are stressful and exhausting based on those interactions with their overbearing parents. They have to process all these expectations, all these demands, and all these judgments and weigh them against their internal framework. Clearly they would need time by themselves to recharge and shake off all of that clutter in their minds so they can get back to the present and be centered in their own mind and thoughts.

These are the extremes. I would expect that most people fall somewhere in between these extremes and have varying degrees of these experiences and mentalities.

This leads me to think that personality types have to do with parenting styles. It still makes sense if you have siblings with different personalities. Think about it – as an example, let’s say you have an older sibling. That child once was an only child getting all the attention. Then the other siblings come along. Suddenly the child may not feel like he or she is getting the same amount of attention. There’s your extrovert. Then the youngest child gets babied. There’s your introvert. Obviously circumstances can be way more complex, but I bet you can analyze every individual scenario and come back to the fact they the child himself felt like he either didn’t get enough attention or got too much attention to some degree.

What do you think? I feel like everyone I know fits into this spectrum. Do you have an example that proves or disproves it? Let me know, I’d be interested to hear it!