Slow Down

I’ve been pretty on-edge and stressed-out lately, and I think part of the reason is that I’m trying to do too much as far as my spiritual journey. I’ve come such a long way that I just want to fix everything left in me and find my calling and just start doing it right away. Yeah, that’s not how it works. I need to slow down. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. I shouldn’t be trying to rush myself and plot things out using the ego-based logical mind. I’m not there yet - I shouldn’t be forcing it into a box.

I guess you could say fear has been rearing its ugly head. I keep thinking, so what is my calling? What will I be doing? What can I be doing now to go towards that? I know my skills I’ve learned thus far should be preparing me for something, so what is it? How do I use those skills in my calling? Is my calling really counseling and artsy stuff? What about all my education? Am I throwing that all away? I was LUCKY enough to have those opportunities, and knowledge is how you make things happen, but am I being a hippie just wanting to spread love and light? What if everyone did that, then no one would do anything to keep the world running!

I have a lot of fears and questions right now. But that’s when I stopped and reminded myself that I’m not there yet. I don’t have to worry about all of that. I can’t jump ahead like that. I’m still figuring it all out and still fixing myself. That will come LATER. It’s just hard to wrap my mind around it. I literally don’t know if my career path is going to stay the way it is or go in a different direction. I’m sure right now I can’t even imagine what will end up happening with that, so there is no use in trying to pinpoint it. It’s just hard when others are trying to help and guide me, when I don’t even know if I’ll want to be around for it. I just don’t know. I guess just don’t burn any bridges and learn all you can, which is what I’ve been doing. Don’t say, “Oh I don’t care about that, that’s not the direction I want to go in,” because I DON’T KNOW at this point. I really feel like the skills you learn are for a reason, so I’m sure I will be much more down that path than I’d care to admit at the moment.

I just wish I knew what lies ahead…

I’m also trying to turbo-boost my spiritual lessons. But that’s not how it works. It takes time, and it is an endless journey. I’m focusing on the wrong things. I know I need to focus on loving myself and being happy, not on what lessons I’ve necessarily been learning. I’ll know when I learn them, I don’t need to be hunting for them so forcefully.

You just have to keep reminding yourself that it’s all about the journey, not the destination. Like a rollercoaster – the ride is fun because of all the ups and downs, twists and turns, not because of where you arrive when it stops. That’s the sad part! Maybe that’s it, though, maybe I’m trying to create a twist or a turn. But if you aren’t experiencing them, you probably aren’t ready to yet. Other twists are probably still sinking in.

Slow down and love yourself. That’s what I need to keep telling myself throughout the day.