Adjust Your Perception

Everyone always says to “think positive” and that “your perception is your reality”. The question is, what does that mean, and how can you apply it in an authentic way? You can’t just lie to yourself about everything being fantastic, because it isn’t. If you try to act as though life is always neat and pretty, you will hit some pretty deep lows when something knocks you off that pedestal. But there are ways to adjust your perception such that you are being honest with yourself, yet still being positive as a whole.

When something happens that makes you upset, angry or frustrated, stop and think: Why am I upset? How have I perceived this situation in a way that is causing me to feel this way? What message am I taking away from this situation that I dislike so much? Find the underlying cause of the feeling. Accept that feeling. Own it. Once you have found the cause of your grief and can identify it, you’ve detached it from the event itself. Now you can look at the situation and analyze it in a new way. Think to yourself, what is another way to look at this? Is there anything positive this situation is saying to me? What are other outcomes of this event or situation? What are lessons I could learn from this? Much of the time you can find a positive perspective or a lesson for growth in a negative situation. By acknowledging these other perceptions, you are being honest with yourself about the complexity of the situation, and balancing the positive with the negative. Instead of focusing on the negative, you are allowing for your own growth and happiness by also seeing the positive.

Of course, the best way to show this is through an example. Just recently I was having a friendly conversation with acquaintances, when I revealed that I am the Myers-Briggs personality type INFJ. One person became very skeptical, implying that he thought I was mistaken about thinking I am an introvert (the “I” in INFJ stands for Introvert). I carried on the conversation, but felt very frustrated by his skepticism.

Later, I decided to apply my newly-kindled desire to be more positive to this situation. I asked myself, why did his comment upset me? The answer was pretty obvious to me. I interpreted his comment as the message, “You’re wrong. You don’t know what you are talking about.” Now, I’m not the type of person who worries that I’m not smart enough – quite the opposite. I have problems with thinking I know more than everyone else. My inner thoughts were, “No! I’m not wrong! You just don’t get it!” This knee-jerk childish response was a frustration with him not understanding what I was saying, or having a judgment of me which is untrue. However, once I acknowledged this feeling, I was able to look at the comment in a new light. Factually, what was he saying? He was saying that I might not be an introvert, which means he thought I might be an extrovert. Why was he saying this? Because he seems to think I have decent socializing skills, which is generally a weak area for me, in my opinion. So really, he was just complimenting my social skills. A compliment! I went from being insulted and frustrated to reframing the comment as a compliment. That is the power of perception with a sprinkle of analysis.

Obviously, some situations make it a little tougher to find the silver lining. For the sake of your sanity, though, you should try. It can’t hurt. How can you perceive negative situations in your life as a positive?