So here is an important point that I learned not too long
ago that has a huge impact in all relationships and explains a lot of
behavioral differences between men and women.
I'll give a quick summary in the beginning. The two points I'm going to make are that women and men want different things from a relationship emotionally and evolutionarily (duh) and that women and men get hurt and jealous over different things.
The first one is obvious but it leads into the second one so that's why I'm going to talk about it a little. So human beings are a high MPI species, which is a high Male Parental Investment species, meaning that in order for the species to thrive, the father generally needs to be in the picture. Think of your stereotypical home where the mom raises the kids and the dad is the head of the house and provides for the family. (That in itself is controversial but just go with it - you can understand how in general that would be the case. Division of labor in a family, be it the stereotypical sort or otherwise.) So men are programmed to want to spread their seed around to as many women as possible, BUT they are also programmed to want to INVEST in the children with the woman that would make a good mother to give them the best chance of surviving and thriving. So the men want to know that they have invested their time and resources in the right woman and children.
Likewise, women are programmed to be picky, because we can't have as many kids as men. Men could get a dozen women pregnant per week or day or whatever if they wanted to, but women obviously have those 9 months where they physically can't, blah blah. So we have to make ours count. We have to make sure we are picking the right guy. And we want that time and those resources. Don't think of resources as necessarily money, but yeah that's included, more so for some than others. But really the time, dedication, effort, cooperation, love, support, protection, guidance... etc, etc.
So, having said that, men care more about their woman sleeping with another man than they care about their woman having an emotional connection with another man.
Women care more about their man having an emotional connection with another woman than they care about their man sleeping with another woman.
In the man's case, he would feel as if his time and resources were misplaced.
In the woman's case, she would feel as if some other woman is stealing her time and resources from her (and her children, if applicable).
It obviously isn't that women don't care at all if their man has sex with another woman. Obviously that is a huge betrayal. Or vice versa. But that's the evolutionary focus. That's the real kicker; the real knife in the back; the icing on the poisoned cake.
And THAT is why it is a problem to flirt with other girls while you are focused on one. That is why a lot of human behaviors are the way they are. Why women seem "crazy" and "jealous" sometimes. Why that is just as much of a betrayal, if not more so, than actually physically cheating. So everyone, keep in mind the perspective of your significant other, and be courteous. Be understanding. Know what you are doing. The other side isn’t crazy or inconsiderate (necessarily) – they just have different perspectives and are not aware of yours, and they can’t be unless someone tells them, because those are some major differences that you probably wouldn’t ordinarily consider.
I'll give a quick summary in the beginning. The two points I'm going to make are that women and men want different things from a relationship emotionally and evolutionarily (duh) and that women and men get hurt and jealous over different things.
The first one is obvious but it leads into the second one so that's why I'm going to talk about it a little. So human beings are a high MPI species, which is a high Male Parental Investment species, meaning that in order for the species to thrive, the father generally needs to be in the picture. Think of your stereotypical home where the mom raises the kids and the dad is the head of the house and provides for the family. (That in itself is controversial but just go with it - you can understand how in general that would be the case. Division of labor in a family, be it the stereotypical sort or otherwise.) So men are programmed to want to spread their seed around to as many women as possible, BUT they are also programmed to want to INVEST in the children with the woman that would make a good mother to give them the best chance of surviving and thriving. So the men want to know that they have invested their time and resources in the right woman and children.
Likewise, women are programmed to be picky, because we can't have as many kids as men. Men could get a dozen women pregnant per week or day or whatever if they wanted to, but women obviously have those 9 months where they physically can't, blah blah. So we have to make ours count. We have to make sure we are picking the right guy. And we want that time and those resources. Don't think of resources as necessarily money, but yeah that's included, more so for some than others. But really the time, dedication, effort, cooperation, love, support, protection, guidance... etc, etc.
So, having said that, men care more about their woman sleeping with another man than they care about their woman having an emotional connection with another man.
Women care more about their man having an emotional connection with another woman than they care about their man sleeping with another woman.
In the man's case, he would feel as if his time and resources were misplaced.
In the woman's case, she would feel as if some other woman is stealing her time and resources from her (and her children, if applicable).
It obviously isn't that women don't care at all if their man has sex with another woman. Obviously that is a huge betrayal. Or vice versa. But that's the evolutionary focus. That's the real kicker; the real knife in the back; the icing on the poisoned cake.
And THAT is why it is a problem to flirt with other girls while you are focused on one. That is why a lot of human behaviors are the way they are. Why women seem "crazy" and "jealous" sometimes. Why that is just as much of a betrayal, if not more so, than actually physically cheating. So everyone, keep in mind the perspective of your significant other, and be courteous. Be understanding. Know what you are doing. The other side isn’t crazy or inconsiderate (necessarily) – they just have different perspectives and are not aware of yours, and they can’t be unless someone tells them, because those are some major differences that you probably wouldn’t ordinarily consider.
I hope that helps someone!
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