Something I’ve been wondering about lately is being able
to trust myself. There are illusions everywhere, and I see how people around me
swear by certain “facts” that are so obviously completely untrue, because it is
just their perspective. Yet time and time again my own conclusions about
things, at least things that I deem knowledgeable enough to have a conclusion
about, turn out to be completely true. But can I trust that? And how much can I
take that trust with me into my future experiences?
I had a boyfriend who swore that the moment he saw me
knew I was “the one”. He felt I was the one he would marry. This didn’t
frighten me off or anything, I loved it, but I didn’t really believe it. I
tried way too hard to analyze it. What I knew was that he was probably wrong.
And by the end of the relationship, I knew full well that we did not want the
same things out of life and relationships, as he’d thought. Which sucks,
because I felt like I was choosing to kill something as sacred as that feeling
of “knowing” someone is “the one”. And if he could be wrong, that means I could
be wrong if I ever felt that way…
But again, I’ve got my act together on stuff like that. I’m
extremely wise on things like that. So maybe my feeling would be more
trustworthy than his? Than most people’s?
Really all that feeling is saying is how YOU feel about
THEM, and not the other way around. As far as that, he could have been right,
and I would be right, because we would know that we could settle down with
whatever person gave us that feeling. They fit what WE want. The issue is
whether the other person feels the same way. Which, yeah, I’m pretty awesome
*brushes shoulder off* so I don’t blame him for feeling that way. So then maybe
I can have faith in that feeling, if it ever were to pop up for me. I just have
to know that it only goes one way. The danger lies in the other direction.
Even more than just that area, I worry about my own
assumptions because I see other people’s assumptions hit so far off the mark.
Especially when it comes to me. People make silly generalizations that I could
easily correct for them, but it really makes you stop and think about how many
times that is YOU. How many times YOU have no idea what you are talking about,
yet you are going around talking about assumptions as if they are fact. Again,
most of mine end up being confirmed, but still… it is still a perspective, and
I know that I don’t know everything and I am not capable of analyzing every
situation correctly. It’s very humbling.
I guess the question is, why does it matter? As long as
you are aware that you are seeing things from some sort of perspective, you can
leave a lot of slack and save people a lot of judgment. Analyze things enough
to protect yourself from any probable dangers, but don’t sit too comfortably in
those conclusions and beliefs. I guess I have to learn that it isn’t a big deal
if you were wrong about someone, be it a casual acquaintance or a potential
husband. I just like to know what I’m dealing with. I like to know what game
they are playing, if any, and know in what ways I can trust them and in what
ways I can’t. I guess it comes down to not wanting to waste my time by putting
in time and effort when someone is just going to disappoint me, disrespect me
or stab me in the back. We’d all like to know that ahead of time…
Such is life, I guess. We don’t get to have those
answers. It is all a part of the learning process. In which case, I’m allowed
to trust the wisdom I’ve gained throughout the years. Just be careful that you
aren’t projecting past fears too hard on innocent bystanders…
So what do you think, can you trust your wisdom and your
perspective, or can’t you?
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