Loving the Ugly Side

Here’s the thing about me. I get that people are human beings. I have no interest in some illusion that someone is some perfect statue that never poops, never gets sick, never has food on their face or anything like that. When I love, I take it very seriously. I love and care about everything about that person. I will help them pluck unwanted hair. I will help wipe their mouth. I will replace bloody bandages. I will serve them medicine and soup, and take care of them when they are throwing up everywhere. When it’s someone you love, it isn’t gross. It’s just a fact of life, and it matters to me, because I care about that person. They are not some object that is simply around me to provide me with pleasure from viewing their body in its ideal state. That isn’t even love. That is literally using someone. That isn’t caring about someone and sharing a life.

I heard some disturbing things on some tv shows. What’s new, right? And there was so much more… but this is the one I wanted to write about today. Some guy had a wife or girlfriend and he made some demeaning comment that I interpreted as he mostly only cared about her for her looks, and how he’s been seeing the “ugly side”. It just upsets me so much. How can you say that about someone you love? It just truly reveals what you like about them and the shallowness of your feelings for them. What did you expect? You literally thought women were some non-human object designed to attract you at all times? That’s their only purpose? What the hell kind of crap is that? If anything, you should realize how screwed up it is that women have to spend so much time, effort, discomfort, etc. to present themselves in a way that makes men think all of that. IT’S FAKE. Hair isn’t naturally gleaming and styled. Eyes don’t naturally have eye shadow and eyeliner applied. Hair isn’t naturally removed from our legs. High heels are NOT comfortable or good for your feet, especially the really high ones. That all takes effort on our part – every morning. EVERY morning. Because our society has become so shallow that in order to be taken seriously, we have to do all of these things to some extent. Guys, on the other hand… Yeah.

I’ve heard people talk about keeping a feeling of mystery and illusion in the relationship. What the hell? Pretending you don’t have human bodily functions? I mean, yeah, don’t be inappropriate or anything, but if you have been with the same person for years… you’d think you’d be comfortable with those sorts of things. That’s LIFE. Don’t you LOVE the person? Don’t you care about them? Aren’t you going to share a life with them? How is it more enjoyable to think of a human being as a mysterious object than a person you can relate to? You have those bodily functions, too – you want them to be disgusted by you? I just – I just don’t understand. It seems so childish. It seems so fake and shallow.

I don’t understand those sorts of relationships. I just don’t.