Create Your Own Experiences

More and more I see the power we have within ourselves to affect our experiences. I feel like I’ve become pretty good at controlling my emotions and therefore my perceptions of what I experience. When I start to feel an unpleasant feeling, even physical pain, I’m able to influence how far that feeling goes, and just let it pass, instead.

The other day I shut my finger in a closet door. It’s one of those folding doors, and as it closed it pinched my finger. I felt the pain coming, and then just let it leave. Now that I have that experience to compare it with, I think normally I let myself get angry and my ego gets bruised when things like that happen, so it ends up feeling more “painful” when really it was my emotions and my ego making it worse than it was. That was an interesting feeling, and quite empowering.

I used to be afraid of a lot of situations. Not afraid as in “a bear is coming to get me and I’m afraid for my life”, but afraid as in, self-conscious, unsure that I can handle it, not knowing ahead of time what to expect and just being… worried, and assuming I’ll screw it up. I understand why I grew to be that way… but lately I’ve been growing my self-confidence in order to remain calm and know that I can deal with it. I don’t get embarrassed or self-conscious. I have the mentality of, “Whatever, I’ll figure it out.” I’m not perfect in ALL areas… but in a lot of areas, I almost feel “cured”. By feeling confident, I’m able to really BE confident and capable in those situations, because instead of using the energy to second-guess myself, I’m using it to solve the problem.

I’ve also noticed that I’m less self-conscious in general. I used to be wrapped up so much in being inside the minds of others. I thought for sure I was able to know what they were thinking. And sure, as an INFJ that’s good at reading people, perhaps I was. But what does it matter? I finally have been able to believe that I need to stop projecting judgments onto others, claiming that they are thinking it. It is really just me. And I was never too concerned with what people think except for certain things: If I’m by myself, if I don’t know what I’m doing, and if I look like crap.

Ever since high school, I’ve been self-conscious about looking awkward being by myself. I don’t want people to think I’m weird or pathetic (because I already think thought it). I just want to hide away and have some privacy, or I want something to look at so I don’t look like I am brooding or something. I’m getting a little better about it. Just not going there in my mind, and instead finding something around me to entertain me. Some situations are better than others for that, but I’m doing really well with it.

I always get mad at people when I realize they don’t know what they are doing. Blame it on how I grew up, I guess, but it gets me really agitated. I try so hard to not be that way myself. Plan ahead, do your homework, and come prepared. Don’t just fly by the seat of your pants and be completely ignorant to what you are trying to achieve and how to do it. So of course, I project those judgments onto others, and I have a fear that I can’t do something because I haven’t done the same – and so I won’t do it. I’ve gotten a little better at this. Mainly because I’m able to trust myself. I’m very smart – I can analyze the situation and figure out what to do. It’s just that I was raised to plan thoroughly before embarking on something, and my parents would always give me step by step instructions and tips, and I’d always do SOMETHING wrong that they’d correct. But I have to shake that off, and I’ve done a good job of that. I’m using the phrase “Be prepared” inappropriately – I’m using it as an excuse to not live my life, because I’m scared. That just will not do anymore, and I’m taking the necessary steps to fix it.

Then, of course, there is how I look. So many layers to that one – but let me stick to just a couple. Confidence is everything. Looking good, I now realize, is less about what you naturally actually look like, and more about how you take care of yourself. Be nice to yourself. Don’t punish yourself. Love yourself as you are. Don’t get mad at yourself for not fitting into a certain pair of jeans – and don’t try to squeeze into them and then be mad at yourself all day for being fat. Find clothes that FIT and that FLATTER your shape, whatever it is. It took me a long time to realize that I can look great by wearing clothes that work with my body, instead of trying to wear things everyone else looks good in and looking bad in it. Furthermore, though, it doesn’t even matter about what you wear, either. It’s the confidence. The joy. It radiates from you and makes you beautiful. Again, I have to get out of the heads of others and just exist in my own perception – which is strong and confident. When you feel confident, and see obstacles as a fun challenge, everything else pans out. You no longer live in fear and shame. I’m doing quite better in that, as well.

I find that I use so many tricks like this throughout the day, and am so comfortable with them, that I forget to write about them here. This is huge progress that I need to make sure I document so I can track it. I’m by no means perfect at it, but there has been so much success that I need to celebrate it!

It’s all about balance. Even if a concept you stand behind is good, pure and correct, don’t forget the balance. Anything in excess turns unhealthy. So just be careful. When people, or your parents, or your friends, or whoever give you advice that you know is correct, just know that there is still a balance between whatever it is and the opposite of it. I say that because I have had issues with it. Sure, you need to plan before you go do something. That is a very good thing to do. But don’t be so adamant about it that you are SCARED to do ANYTHING if you haven’t planned it out first. Sure, you need to do a million chores and take care of a million responsibilities each week. But don’t let that guilt you out of having a life and finding joy. You see? There is always a balance. I’ve taken it too far, in many ways, including those. I guess you could say I lived a repressed life, self-inflicted. And I feel so ashamed to allow myself joy, leisure, risk and adventure when there is so much to be done. So many obligations. But guess what? IT WILL BE OKAY! The world will not end!!!! I’m finally starting to step out of that life-style. Tip-toe by tip-toe. And it feels amazing. It feels like I am actually ALIVE. I feel like I have so much CONTROL and POSSIBILITY in my life, when really, before, life had control over me.

Take the control back. Create the life of your dreams!