As always, the Uni-verse is testing me on the lessons I’ve
been learning. Speaking confidently; Not saying “I don’t know”; Dealing with
issues when things go wrong and having confidence in myself and knowing I can
fix it and it will work out; Thinking on my feet and not getting frustrated; Not
feeling shame. All of these things are being tested, and you know what? It
feels like such a non-issue now. None of these tests are a big deal to me now –
and that’s exactly the point!
I feel so much more confident in big meetings. I don’t
feel like everyone is testing me and waiting for me to fail. I have faith in
myself. I know that I know what I’m talking about. I’m not worried about the
perceptions of others as much, as in, I’m not afraid of it. I feel like a true
equal in the conversations, and you know what, nothing changed – except for my
perception of myself.
When I enter a new situation, I always feel so small. I
don’t want to speak out of turn, say the wrong thing, touch on a sensitivity or
open myself to questions I’m not prepared for. Sure, in the very beginning, on
a new project or a new job, you may need to take some of those issues into
account – but not as severely and not for as long. (I’ve been complimented on
my ability to know when to talk, and more importantly, when NOT to talk. So it’s
a fine line between right-on-the-money and too quiet and timid.) I’m now WAY
out of that realm.
For a while I was also getting frustrated because I knew
what I was talking about but it felt like no one was acknowledging it. I had a
lot of “I SAID that!” moments. Here’s
my advice on those moments. A lot of things come into play. First of all, you
have to notice how you speak. You can’t speak timidly. If you speak timidly,
either it won’t register that you said something, or they’ll hear your attitude
more than your words and they’ll dismiss it because you are not confident
enough. Second, sometimes the group is not on the same page with you. You may
have solved the problem, but you are 5 steps ahead of them, so they can’t grasp
how you got there. That’s why 10 minutes later someone else says the same thing
and everyone thinks that person is brilliant.
Work on analyzing the level of the discussion so you can quickly and concisely
LEAD everyone to your idea. Context is everything.
Stay positive when there are problems. Not just for your
sake, and not just for your boss’ sake, but because it is the truth. Think of
it as “it could have been worse”, and how whatever mishap happened prepared you
for next time. If you’re a perfectionist like me, every tiny insignificant imperfection
is worth crawling into a hole and folding up into the fetal position. Those
types need to remember this trick. It could be worse; it isn’t the end of the
world; you can fix it; it helps you prepare for next time; it will be OKAY. And
in the business world, the best thing for your career and your sanity is to
remind everyone else of this fact, as well. It’s not lying. It is a
perspective, and a perspective that gets everyone back on track and on target, away
from running around screaming like chickens with their heads cut off. Remember,
worry is wasteful. Worry and blame accomplish nothing. Instead of hating
yourself, expend the thought and energy working on a solution. So while your
colleagues are sitting around crying and pointing fingers, you’ll have actually
solved the problem.
Another thing I’ve worked on a little bit is thinking
under pressure. I’ve noticed I’m quite bad at that. I knew I couldn’t work with
someone standing over my shoulder. ALL my attention is on them, what they are
looking at, what they are thinking, what they might be about to say, etc. and I
just can’t get my head back in the project I am working on. I also started
doing that Lumosity site with the games that help train your brain in memory,
speed, problem solving, etc. There was this one game where raindrops would
appear at the top of the screen and move slowly down to the virtual water at
the bottom. Each raindrop had a simple addition, subtraction, multiplication or
division problem. The game was easy until multiple drops start falling around
the same time, and they started coming faster. At one point, my brain just shut
off. I was mentally paralyzed. It was too much. Too much pressure. That was
interesting to witness in an isolated scenario like that. That’s probably not a
good thing. So I need to work on that. Luckily, the Uni-verse heard my plea and
gave me a small test and victory on that front. I had to do some
troubleshooting at work with someone remotely, which is definitely
thinking-on-your-feet stuff mixed with needing to figure out what the problem
is with very little information. I NAILED it! I did have to calm myself a
little at one point, but it wasn’t a problem, it was just an, “okay… breathe…”
and that was it. So I think I’m making some progress there, too.
I actually have a tip on the whole thinking-on-your-feet
thing. Extroverts may have a grasp on this, and may be the trick they use all
the time. Here’s the trick: Let’s say normally you hear something and you need
to sit and process it quietly, piecing it together in your head until you can
basically SEE it. Then once you HAVE it you can continue forward. So a trick I
used was to say the confusing thing back to the person. It doesn’t even have to
be confusing, it can be a process that you’re trying to track down a snag in.
As you say it out loud, ideas may come to you. It will also allow the other
person to help clarify parts that may be vague or confusing. The reason I
brought up extroverts is because I feel like extroverts just repeat the same
things that have been said in the conversation over and over in different ways,
haha. I’m half kidding. But seriously. It seems that way a lot of the time.
Maybe that’s just them processing their thoughts? Maybe it’s a trick we introverts
should try out!
Have you learned any lessons lately that the Uni-verse is
now testing you on? Did you pass?
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