Voices in my Head

It’s always amazing how there are constantly new lessons to learn, new realizations to make and more growth to be had. So many light bulbs have gone off since my last post. However, today I’m going to write about the glaring problem I have right now.

The voices in my head.

No, I’m not losing my mind (or am I?). The voices I’m talking about are the negative tapes that play over and over in my head. The ones that don’t acknowledge my victories and strengths, and only attack me over made-up imperfections and events that happened in the past that I can no longer do anything about.

I’ve noticed lately that I am very cruel to myself. I never acknowledge my own successes. If I accomplish something amazing, I immediately start attacking myself over whatever task comes next. The other day I knocked out a dozen chores in one evening, and yet when I was getting ready for bed all I could think about was how I need to do more, and I started making myself feel guilty and stressed out about completing more tasks. I do this ALL THE TIME. It isn’t even necessary. I’m not lazy. I’m not slacking and irresponsible. The urgency I am stressing myself out with is NOT NECESSARY. Easy enough to say…

This week I’ve been trying to focus on pampering and loving myself, mentally. I’ve tried to tell myself what a great job I did and relish in my accomplishments before nosediving into the next one. It’s been a bit like pulling teeth. I can get maybe a second of relief before I start fighting my mind – the ongoing praise vs criticize battle.

I know a lot of this comes from how I was raised, but it is my responsibility to resolve it now. I have to trust myself that just because I am giving myself some slack and praise does not mean that I am turning into a lazy bum. It’s almost like I have to convince myself that I care and that I’m NOT lazy by beating myself up. IT’S ME! I ALREADY KNOW! I DON’T HAVE TO PROVE ANYTHING TO MYSELF! THAT’S RIDICULOUS!

I don’t know that I’ve had a huge amount of success at this quite yet, but I am definitely aware of it and taking strides to grow in this area. Even just knowing it helps a little.

Are there any negative tapes playing in your head that are no longer serving you? Can you make sure you are aware when it happens so you can take measures to replace the negative tapes with something better?