Believe in Yourself

When we stop attacking others and pointing out why we are better, we blossom.

“Why would they think that? That’s completely irrational. What a moron.”

When we stop abusing ourselves and looking for flaws in everything we do, we blossom.

“Damnit, why did I say that?? Why didn’t I do that?”

Stop trying to live up to some self-declared concept of perfection and just appreciate yourself. For some, that means stopping yourself from showing off or trying to take power away from others. For others, that means giving yourself permission to speak and command a room. For some it could be a small degree of both in various situations.

It all comes down to the same thing in the end. Confidence and self-love.

Those who are truly confident don’t come off as hostile or overbearing to others – that is just a plea for others to believe they are strong and confident, which will in-turn allow the person to continue feeling that way about him- or herself. Instead, confident people just live their lives. They are not afraid to appear weak, because they know they are not weak. They help when they can, ask questions when they have them, and spend their time and energy on the things that matter instead of playing political and manipulative games. They are not worried about what comes next, because they know they can handle it, whatever it is.

For those of you with the opposite problem, no matter how slight, give yourself a break. Stop worrying. Stop second-guessing yourself. Stop re-playing things in your mind and pre-playing conversations that have not happened. Be present in the moment. Take full advantage of the present moment. Don’t waste it building grudges and negativities your head. You are perfect. You are fine. The only thing holding you back is that you are psyching yourself out. Start looking at the positives, and focus on what you can do to improve – in communicating, in your career, in your relationships – change the perspective. When you get away from the offensive/defensive mindset, you can actually appreciate and take advantage of everything around you. When you get the hang of that, you’ve mastered confidence! And it will shine through you. You will feel more at ease.

Don’t worry so much about how other people will perceive you. STAND BEHIND YOUR WORDS. You meant it when you said it. If they perceived it another way, that’s fine, but you still MEANT it. Don’t backtrack. Don’t disrespect yourself by trying to erase the words and replace them with something else. Just ADD to them to clarify anything. Instead of saying “That’s not what I meant,” say “That’s not what I’m saying”. There’s a difference – the first one sounds like you made a MISTAKE. The second one shows that you are standing your ground, and working to help the other person understand.

Different people need different kinds of advice. That makes it tricky to write a blog post on one topic, because I know there are so many different perspectives to consider. What’s always true is that we have developed ways to protect ourselves. Some protect themselves by demanding that others think about them a certain way; others protect themselves by carefully wording things and not taking as many risks so they won’t be able to screw up. That’s just one pair of examples. Notice that they both protect the person – one by demanding the desired outcome, and one by avoiding the possibility of the undesired outcome. We can mix and match these approaches in our lives, and we have them in varying degrees. Be aware of it as you go through your day. Remind yourself that nothing can hurt you. You don’t need to work so hard to control the outcomes or the thoughts of others. As long as you are true to yourself and spreading Love and Light to others, it will be fine. You can get through it.

Love yourself. Have real confidence. You deserve it.