I feel fantastic. I know that I am solidly on the
spiritual path. My way of thinking is completely opened to love and hope.
That’s not to say I think I behave in perfect accordance to it – but even when
I slip, I am completely aware of what is happening, and I have that underlying
faith to keep me from getting lost in events and emotions. My soul waits
patiently until I am ready to come back, and I can feel it. I continue
practicing my inner peace during stressful circumstances, and when it’s over, I
take a look at how I did and determine what worked and what didn’t.
The only downside of all this is that I feel so fantastic
that I want to share it with EVERYONE! I want to gallop through town, trumpets
sounding, showing everyone how the way they see the world isn’t the way they
have to! I was literally JUST living the way they were, but I figured it out!
You don’t have to be miserable! I feel like I know how to open everyone’s eyes,
and I want to do it! I’m just so excited to share this realization with all the
people I know it would benefit!
The problem is that’s not how it works. That’s great that
I want to spread this joy, but yet again, I CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE. I really don’t
consider this “changing” people, but still. I feel so encouraged and
optimistic, and I can’t help but want to open everyone’s eyes so they can feel
this joyful, too. And I truly feel like my gift and purpose is bridging the gap
between the “Old World” and the “New World”, so to speak. But even if it is,
I’m not there yet. I’m a rookie. People have been trying to do just that for
YEARS – and when I say years, I mean all the way back to JESUS (if, of course,
the stories were true) and I think even before THAT. Even if this is my
purpose, my purpose would only specify that I TRY. I can’t attach myself to the
outcome of actually helping people. In fact, if I did, it would most likely
make me bitter, because I’d be so frustrated that people weren’t listening to
me, or I might eventually wear down and take it personally that I wasn’t able
to effectively help as many people as I would like. I see my enthusiasm, and I
just want to make sure all the motives and expectations are in check. I don’t
want to go around being a spiritual “Bible Thumper”. I don’t want to be “in
your face”. I don’t want to allow my enthusiasm to come off as insensitive to
people going through painful times. I don’t want to do ANYTHING if it isn’t
genuinely helping.
I guess it all comes back to the Serenity Prayer – accept
the things you cannot change, change the things you can, and have the wisdom to
know the difference. Whew, that wisdom part is rough, especially when it comes
to helping others. I’ve got a solid hold on the wisdom for my own stuff that I
need to accept or change, but as far as freeing the spirit of others? No idea.
I know people are going at their own pace, and they have to be open to hearing
certain things. I also know that the ego can take inspirational comments and
twist them for its own purposes. So I’m back to analyzing where people are at,
and which points I think would be helpful for where they are at – but listen to
that! Points that “I think” would be helpful?? As intuitive and wise as I
believe myself to be (ha) I KNOW that I can’t use my own thoughts as an
authority on what others need.
So I guess that comes back to my previous point – I’m
just supposed to try. Try the best I can, with the analysis and intuition that
I am capable of. Learn about different kinds of people and different kinds of
viewpoints. Try to expand my intuitive abilities, so that I’m not projecting
too hard onto people. I guess it is a good thing that I at least KNOW that I AM
projecting onto people, and that I don’t feel my own intuition, even though it
has seemed to be right on the money, is not an authority on ANYTHING.
Lead by example. It really is the most powerful teacher
to others. Give people advice and seeds of inspirational thought, and lead by
example. That’s all I can do. I just wish I could do more.
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