I wanted to take a moment to reflect on one of the
biggest concepts I’ve learned that I wish I knew growing up: Perception is all
there is, and to change it has no bearing on its truth or validity.
I used to think that things are the way they are, and for
someone to be optimistic was not only ignorant and naïve but was also useless.
If someone had tried to show me that by changing my perception I could be
happy, I would have said that I did not want to live a lie – I would rather know
the truth than be “happy”. It’s true that you can’t simply choose another
perception until you see that there are many different kinds that all make
sense and are valid in their own ways, and that truth does not depend on
perception. You have to be able to see beyond your own life and experiences,
which I don’t think is something many young people could do, though I don’t
think it is impossible. You have to be able to see that your view of the world
IS a perception. I’m not a doctor of any sort, but I truly believe that this is
the fundamental concept that is lacking in people with severe depression and
psychopathy, the two extremes of believing that your perception is reality. But
that’s beside the point…
Most, including myself, may initially look at this stuff and
think, “Only certain people have the privilege of thinking this way. Only
people who are lucky enough to be XYZ or have XYZ can think this way. Maybe
this works for everyone else, but not for me.” That’s not true at all. The best
use and the most pure use of this way of thinking is when everything is
horrible. It would be EASY to be happy when absolutely everything lined up for
you, wouldn’t you think? So it takes a strong person to find the courage,
confidence and peace when circumstances don’t go your way. That’s exactly when
you NEED to think this way, because not only do you simply find joy, but you
find your way out of the mess. It’s taking that crappy circumstance and
reminding yourself how powerful you are and that you can get through it,
because you can. No matter what it is – a loss, an illness, whatever. If your
heart is still beating, you can overcome it and learn from it. Everything in
life is a teacher, and you have way more power in your life than you realize.
This is where that relationship I had that ended a year
ago comes into play. We all have our perceptions of reality that we deem as
truth. We start to wonder if this is all there is to life, and hope that there
is more. Then something drastic turns our perception on its head – something
doesn’t fit. That’s when the breakthrough occurs. That may or may not be the only
way it can happen, but from what I’ve seen in life, literature and interviews,
this is a standard story. It could be an event, or could even be a person that
you don’t understand at first but then something clicks and you realize this
other person’s perspective makes total sense. For me, after months of wondering
“Is this all there is to life?” the final push was feeling compassion and
believing in the goodness of someone that, through my perception of reality,
was an evil, selfish and horrible person. It just didn’t add up or make sense,
and it really screwed with my head and even my body. I doubted my sanity there
for a while. Did this person somehow trick me into having compassion for him?
How could I have a sense that this person was good when they went against all
my standards and values that meant EVERYTHING to me? It took a very long time
to sort out all my emotions, and it may not even be done today. I toyed with so
many ideas. Maybe things in his life were to blame for his behavior? Maybe he
just never knew any better? Maybe his role models were horrible? How would he
have even known his behavior was bad in that case? Is that even an excuse? Maybe
this, maybe that. Luckily I was able to determine that he was not simply evil,
and he deserved love and compassion, but I had too many judgments of his
lifestyle and would not be able to give him that love and acceptance. That was
it – that was the beginning for me. I’d met someone that I couldn’t simply
judge as “bad” and write off. My world was no longer black and white. Suddenly
there was Technicolor!
What I learned is that perception is all there is. People
did not grow up to learn the same values, but deep down we are all the same.
That doesn’t mean people do not do evil things or that they are not dangerous –
not everyone can be changed or saved, and they may be a threat. But we all
started with the same spirit of love, and our perception of the things around
us pointed us down a certain path after that. Knowing that, you can no longer
perceive people in the same way. I can no longer simply identify someone’s
selfish needs and intentions and stop there the way I used to. Now I see the
selfish needs, but I dig even deeper to the call for love those selfish needs
were built on. What’s more is that perceiving things in a negative way, and
acknowledging the selfish needs of others, does not equal the extent of the
undeniable “truth”. You can decide to see everyone as a threat, and I can
understand the truth behind that, but that doesn’t help you live a long and
happy life. That doesn’t help you find peace. And happiness and peace are not
ignorant concepts afforded to people who cannot see the world for the threat
that it is. They are courageous concepts that see the threat in life, but then
also see and acknowledge the immense power within each of us to be able to rise
to the challenge. There is a confidence in optimism that is not as ignorant as
I once thought. You get to decide if you can handle the “evils” of the world.
You can. Nothing can hurt you. You have to have the confidence that you can get
through whatever life throws at you. Before we realize this, we put stock in
the wrong things. We just can’t see beyond the simple surface appearance of the
world, and that can depress us. That can make some people either give up and be
depressed or become completely manipulative psychopaths just trying to survive.
Again, not a doctor, but that’s how I see it. That’s as “fight or flight” as it
gets.
Something has to happen to crack our perception.
Something has to clue us in that there is more than what we acknowledge. At
that point, it depends on whether you listen to it or run from it. Change can
be frightening, but it is also freeing.
Hopefully that explains how I used to think versus how I
think now. It is not something that happens overnight. Something helps you open
to it, but then it takes a long time for any noticeable difference to occur.
That’s EXACTLY why I wanted to start my blog. I wanted to show the baby steps
that come together to create a huge breakthrough and massive change in your
life and perception. I wanted to show how you can take everything in life as a
lesson, and use it to learn more about yourself and the world around you. You
have the power to perceive everything as something done to or against you, or
as a learning device reminding you to have faith in yourself. From then on, you
have to dedicate yourself to it. You have to actively try to learn from
everything that happens, and know that fear is not real. You have to stop
yourself from criticizing it and talking yourself out of it. The ego can talk
itself out of ANYTHING. You can declare that this wouldn’t work for you, or
that it isn’t the truth, or that the horrible things you do and say are
justified. Defend yourself all you want, but deep down you know. You just know.
And fear surrounds that knowledge, because it is uncomfortable and different
from how you’ve lived all your life. It might require you to be vulnerable, or
it might require you to take the chance at failing. Everyone is positioned
around it at a different angle, so it will require different things from youto
reach that balance than it requires from others. But THAT is where your peace
and happiness lies, and you DO deserve it, and you CAN have it no matter what
situation life has placed in front of you. Courage is acting in spite of fear.
That is a conscious decision, and you can do it. Everyone has it within them.
Think of it as a muscle that you have to stretch and train. Your strength may
be very weak at first, but work on it and it gets so much easier. It is
possible, and you do deserve it.
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