Metanoia

I believe that intuitively we know the difference between right and wrong, but our fears and desire for self-preservation skews it such that we can convince ourselves of an altered view of right and wrong that benefits us more than the alternative. If you were able to remove your deeply hidden and embedded fears that cloud your judgment, and fully realized that selfishness and self-preservation has no place in morality, everyone would come to the same conclusions on how to interact with others, how to care for others and how to behave. It is the feeling that you and I are separate beings and alien to one another that evokes fear and creates hedonism, greed and hatred. Every culture has its own set of beliefs about what the proper structure and social order should be, but beneath it, it simply needs that structure to continue to exist. There’s no such thing as not being brainwashed. From day one, our parents’ perceptions are taught to us. Brainwashing just implies that this occurs when the teachings are “bad”. Anything thrown out of balance is “bad”, and even perceptions taught with the best intentions can turn “bad”.

We’re not taking care of ourselves. What’s worse is we don’t even see the point or benefit of taking care of ourselves. Our obligations are our reason for living. I guess fulfilling our obligations gives us a feeling of worthiness. Even this still relies on the idea of separation. Who are we really helping? We do some random type of work, and in return we are able to help our family by paying the bills and supplying food and shelter. So who are you helping? An incredibly small subset of human beings. Everyone is doing this. We are simply existing. We are not thriving. We are not helping each other to be the most fulfilled we can possibly be. Some people are truly following their dreams and making a difference, which is great, but I have a feeling most of us are not.

Forget any doubts you have about the reality of my next statement and just tell me if it is true. Doesn’t everyone want to make a significant difference in the world? Doesn’t everyone want to help make the world a better place? I’m not asking how, or how possible it is, but wouldn’t you feel so fulfilled if you could? It’s just that we all doubt ourselves, we have bills to pay, and we just don’t see it happening. It’s just fear that is keeping it from happening. We won’t even give ourselves the chance, because we have too much other stuff to do.

It’s sad.

I just realized the true definition of repentance. I always thought it was some lame concept simply meaning that you apologize for bad things you did, whether it is sincere or not, and somehow that makes you awesome and better and “saved”. My response was always, “How about you don’t screw up in the first place?” I just heard a different definition, though. Repentance means to have a radical change of mind and change of heart; a radical transformation of one’s own personal life. In the Bible it is translated from the Greek word metanoia, which means “to think differently after”. That’s a little different from what I thought it was. I like it. I take it to mean that your eyes have been opened to the truth, and now you think differently and truly realize that what you did was wrong. It isn’t about simply saying, “Yep, I screwed up. Sorry about that,” it is truly to understand and have a new perspective on life. Awesome. I don’t take it as far as the God part, but still. Just as significant a meaning to me.

So really, in a way, with this definition, I have repented. I’ve seen that I have been judgmental to others who did not live a moral life, and that was creating hatred in my heart. My eyes were finally opened and I saw there was another way to look at things, and I’ve worked diligently to explore this new way of looking at the world. While I have not perfected this view in practice, I do believe it in theory, and have applied it in practice to many areas where I previously had not. Each time it is a puzzle within myself to bring my thoughts from hatred to love and understanding. And honestly, it feels a heck of a lot better than hate.