Walk Towards Your Fears

What I’ve learned in all the books I’ve read is that if you feel fear about something, generally you need to walk towards it. I’m not talking about physical danger. I’m not talking about irresponsible choices. I’m talking about fears that are limiting beliefs. I’m talking about the fear to go up and talk to someone; fear to go to a party where you don’t know anyone; fear to speak up in a meeting; fear to chase after your dream; fear to do something because you aren’t “enough” in some way.

I’ve had a couple encounters with that lately where I had to remind myself to walk towards my fears.

The other day I was invited out after work with some colleagues. That’s generally not something I love to do. If I really know someone, I can get into deep conversations with them, but even then I fear running out of things to say. With people I’m just meeting, where an initial interest was found, there is obviously a ton to talk about – you know nothing about them, so you can jump from one thing to the next. But people that you somewhat know but don’t know all that well – that one is tricky. For me, at least. At least, it used to be.

But that was the old me!

Remember, I’ve been working on this. With the celebrity’s assistant a few weeks ago, I practiced this. Being present. Focusing on serving them and being loving and supportive. Giving love. Instead of focusing on the mechanics of the conversation and what to say next, just be fully present and interested in the other person.

So I realized that my fear was an old fear. I was telling myself the story that “I’m bad in social settings,” and yet I’d been working on it, so really I had no idea if I was anymore. And even if I still was, I needed to keep practicing so I can get rid of that limiting belief and fear!

So I went. It was great! I had a good time and I didn’t feel awkward at all. There was enough going on that even when I didn’t really have anything to say, I wasn’t staring at a wall twiddling my thumbs. The whole thing was very enjoyable. I’m SO glad I didn’t listen to myself and tell myself that it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I’m SO glad I walked towards that fear such that I could work on conquering it.

I have another example! At work, we had a big meeting with the customers. Some of them have heard me talk a lot about my portion of the project, but some haven’t, because they are involved in another portion of the project. The meeting was on the portion I’m not intimately involved in, so my place in that meeting was really just to listen and take notes. At one point, I saw a big opening for me to speak. To clarify the discussion for everyone. It was one of those times where I felt like saying something is unnecessary. Or that it would even make me appear slow. I just wanted to summarize, because I felt like everyone was on the verge of being on the same page, and if I said what I wanted to say, it would either solidify it or expose where the confusion was. There was a big, long pause, which gave me time to convince myself to say it. The customer agreed with me. My team acknowledged me and continued forward. I still wasn’t sure what to make of my decision to speak right then. I actually started to think that my comment was pointless, maybe even made me look bad or slow. I let it go – I wasn’t too worried about it – but I did almost determine that my speaking didn’t necessarily help anything.

Then later on in the meeting, one of the customer’s looked to me. He wanted my input. Me, specifically. The only person not speaking in this meeting. He said that he wanted me to explain it, because he felt I was on the same wavelength with him. What!? Me? How would he have thought that? He’s rarely ever heard me speak!

I’m ASSUMING it was from that comment I’d made earlier. I could be wrong, but unless it was from my body language or something, that’s really the only thing it could have been. Here I was thinking that my comment was dumb and unnecessary, when really I had proven to this man that I could see the big picture and summarize complex things in a concise way. I hadn’t even given myself credit for that! And yet I’d apparently already made a huge impression on this person! How awesome is that!?

Walk towards your fears!! That fear is only one perspective, and it is NOT truth! YOU have control over it. YOU don’t know how others are going to perceive you. Something you word amazingly could be taken wrong; something you thought you misspoke on could be perceived as genius. You never know! Stop second-guessing yourself! Speak up, ask questions, summarize what you are hearing from those around you. If you are silent, no one knows what you are thinking. Body language can be misinterpreted. And you know what? The more you speak up, the bigger the sample; the bigger the sample, the more times you can misspeak without it mattering, because you’ll have said something genius 3 times more than you said something dumb.

I am of course coming from the perspective of someone who is generally quiet and reserved. This is not applicable for most extroverts, I would think. I don’t know. Take your own meaning away from it. I know it drives me nuts when I read something that is giving advice that is the opposite of what I need to hear. Like when I read, “Be picky! Have standards!” I’m thinking, shut up! That’s my problem! My standards are too high! Not what I need to hear!

We are all coming from very different perspectives. It’s like we are all trying to find that balance at the center of a sphere, but you may be coming from the upper right of the sphere, and I am coming from the bottom left of the sphere, so while you need to hear, “Move to the left!!” If I were to hear that, it would push me further away from center. You know what I mean? That’s been my problem all my life. The main advice that is given to people – I’m already there. And I kept getting pushed more and more and more into that corner. But THAT wasn’t the advice I needed. I needed the opposite advice. Not to throw myself over to the opposite extreme, but to just make my way to the center.

Where is the center for you? Is it up and to the right? Is it down and to the left? The same advice does not work for everyone. People need to hear different things in order to find their own way to balance and tranquility.

Whatever it is, you can be sure you’ll have to walk towards an army of fears to get there. But don’t be afraid. When you’re standing right at those fears, they look dangerous and intimidating. But once you pass to the other side, you realize they were just holograms. They can’t hurt you!