I started reading A
Course in Miracles, beginning with the Text. Actually, I began with the
Preface, but the first real section is the Text. I was really excited to buy it
and start reading it, because people from The Daily Love talk about it all the
time. However, I’m not really sure if it is something I should be reading right
now.
It starts off very abstract. It talks about grandiose
concepts in poetic language that frankly sounds gorgeous but means absolutely
nothing. To me, at least. It also randomly starts saying “I”, as in “I can guide
you to right-mindedness”, which is driving me nuts, because I don’t know who
“I” is. It is not the author(s). It references itself as if it was Jesus or the
Holy Spirit, and yet it then references those concepts in the third person. I
also thought maybe “I” was the reader, but that doesn’t work, either. I’m sure
the point is precisely for it to be mysterious and not definable.
Which leads me to the next thing that bothers me. It is 100%
religious. I’m better about reading stuff like that now, since I now consider
myself “spiritual”. I dislike using the term God, because I feel like it
already has definitions in place, and by saying “I believe in God” everyone is
going to assume what that means. I know, I shouldn’t worry about what others
think. But the problem is I can’t even defend what I think, because I don’t
know what I think right now. I can’t clarify it. I’m inclined to believe that
there is a spirit we are all born from, the seed in each of us, like spokes on
a reel, that simply collapses back into itself when we pass on. Our ego is just
built around the spirit that is literally the same in each of us, all part of
the oneness. That’s the concept The
Untethered Soul had, and I absolutely love it. I get it, I see it – and I
can often be found referring to the Universe the way people refer to God, but I
can’t yet identify with the concept of “God”, and perhaps it is just the… shall
we say, pop culture definition of God that most people refer to… Like he’s a
Greek god, resembling humans but being far greater, capable of “wanting” and
“judging” and all of that. I completely don’t buy into that. If God exists, it
is nothing like that. It isn’t something that can “want” something of you, or
have any other anthropomorphic qualities like that. I love Super Soul Sunday,
because Oprah asks her guests how they define God, and they have some fantastic
answers. God is Love; God is All; God is compassion; God is the spirit within
all of us. Their answers go beyond the anthropomorphism I hear from most
people, and I can get those sorts of definitions. But I’m just not quite there
yet to be like, “Here, this is what I believe”.
Let me say right now, I am not attacking anyone’s
beliefs. I find the way people feel about their views and of God to be
incredibly beautiful and inspiring. Everyone seems to have different beliefs,
even different variations on the same ones sometimes, and I completely respect
those beliefs. I’m simply talking about my own here. I just want to make that
clear.
Anyways, so there’s a lot of God talk and Jesus quotations
and everything in this book, and it refers to itself as “I” which is some Jesus
mind or Holy Spirit or something. I’m able to look beyond those very specific
references, but it is a little much.
But the real reason I don’t think this is something I
should be reading right now is how it discusses how we SHOULD be.
Wrong-mindedness and right-mindedness; how useless our ego is… that’s all great
and I completely get it, but it talks about how we need to become something
other than what we currently are. That kind of message is a trigger for me.
This is not the point of the book, it is just my perception, but I perceive it
as saying, “This is what you’re supposed to do. This is how you become right
and worthy. You are doing something wrong right now. Correct it. Right now!
Only when you become this will you be ‘right’.” It’s an authority telling me
I’m not good enough thing. That goes against everything I need to learn right
now. That’s the mindset I’ve been in all my life that I’m trying to finally
free myself from. What I need to continue working on right now is to love
myself NOW. I am enough NOW. I am worthy NOW. Where I am right now is perfectly
fine and is exactly where I need to be. You learn and grow in your own time. I
don’t need more anxiety about what I need to do to be a worthy human being. The
book is giving me a goal when I should be more focused on the day to day
journey. I’m way too goal oriented, and I need to offset that with something
that isn’t goal based. I need to love myself now, and simply work to use every
opportunity to remove fear from my life, love myself and make myself truly
happy. Give myself permission to live my dreams and my purpose. The book is
giving me mixed feelings about my main lesson right now. I’m just not there
yet. I’m doing just fine with my self-love, and I’m better able to become all
the things it says in the Course when I focus on the self-love.
Skipping ahead, I see the Lessons are similar to things
I’ve seen elsewhere, and they are fantastic. But I want to get through the
600-something page Text first, and practice the Lessons one day at a time, as
is suggested. I’m not saying the Course is bad, I’m just saying I don’t think
I’m ready for it yet. I need to work on loving myself fully before I can hear a
lot of this stuff without taking it the wrong way.
So I don’t know. I’m fascinated by it, and I want to
continue reading it, but I think it is doing more harm than good right now. I
think I need some more confidence and self-love first.
Thanks for writing this! It's useful for people thinking about the book and who may not be able to approach it without feeling 'wrong' somehow. That said, after reading your post, people might also be prepared to approach in a different way, and avoid the kind of experience you had :) .
ReplyDeleteI had some of the same hesitations as you, and I completely understand that you need to be in a certain mindset and frame of reference toward 'God' or 'Jesus' to read through the book without squirming a little. I found the first part a little heavy, and actually just skipped down to the daily work lessons. I will get to reading the text, but I think the experiential part is the most important, and the thing that binds us. Experiences are not all the same BECAUSE we have different upbringings, different religions and different perceptions. You and I might perceive the book as too dogmatic or rooted in one religion (Christianity). A Christian follower may perceive the book (especially the lesson section) as too 'new age'.
The point is that we have walls that block us from experiencing things in their pure form, and thus we have walls from creating shared experiences. When you do the lessons, you get the sense that the book acknowledges this problem and wants EVERYONE to suspend their own perceptions and find that shared harmonic by stripping away labels and language, assumptions and deductions.
With that in mind, it felt more like I was part of a bigger shift, and it felt less like judgement on my current state. I made a conscious decision to follow their lead and see where it takes me. Like you, I also would not recommend this to people before they are in a state where they love and accept themselves and want to 'change the things they can change', so to speak.
Right now I read one lesson per day on the bus, and it's pretty meditative. I find the slight shift stays with you in ripples throughout the day and helps when ego is challenged :)
Shany
Thank you, Shany, for taking the time to write your eloquent response! It's nice to know I'm not alone about the book! I was considering skipping to the lessons, but wasn't sure if it was a bad idea to skip the text. After hearing your advice, I will reconsider! I agree we must make sure to not block experiences like that. Nicely said!
DeleteHappy New Year!