What Is Happiness?

I took part in a very interesting discussion the other day on what happiness is. The group, although small, consisted of people with different backgrounds, cultures and life experiences. I’d like to share my ideas and then maybe get into some of the debates and touchy areas of that discussion.

Types of Happiness

I think there are different types of happiness - some deeper than others. We all experience them, and I think different people give different weight and value to each type. Some types of happiness provide us with high peaks of joy and pleasure, generally accompanied by a low or crash, while others allow for a healthy baseline that is more sustainable. Let me explain my theory.

In-The-Moment Happiness

There is, of course, the In-The-Moment Happiness that deals mostly with the on-the-surface happiness we feel when doing a fun activity or obtaining something we want. This could be playing sports, dancing, shopping, buying a new gadget, watching a great movie, or anything else along those lines. In this case, happiness is a temporary feeling or state. This happiness can give us endorphins, and a temporary high, but it is just that - temporary. Constantly seeking this kind of happiness will wear you out, and possibly produce bad consequences when you try to drag out that high longer than you should.

Inner Peace Happiness

Happiness from an inner peace seems like the most powerful type of happiness to me. I view this inner peace as looking within yourself and knowing that you are enough, having confidence, and accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. To me, this happiness also includes being at peace with the world around you, and how it interacts with you; viewing the world with compassion and understanding, such that problems or people don’t upset you. As the quote says, being able to change what you can, and accept what you cannot. There seems to be a lot of connection with this description and Buddhism, so I’ll need to look back into that. I may be able to find some guidance to strengthen this type of happiness within myself. This is obviously the area I am focused on at this point in my life.

Fulfillment Happiness

I also thought another type of happiness might be that of fulfilling a purpose or a calling. If you feel a deep desire to serve others, you may feel fulfillment happiness from doing community service or counseling others. Perhaps your calling is becoming a professional dancer, and you feel immense joy as you make your way to your dreams of inspiring others and/or becoming a successful and renowned dancer. This could even mean fulfillment happiness as a mother or father, nurturing and providing for your kids as you watch them grow, succeed and achieve their own happiness.

Hot Topics

At the discussion I attended on this topic, we got into an interesting debate about confidence and self-esteem. A woman insisted that confidence comes from within you, and I completely agree. Others felt self-esteem was created based on your interactions with others. I feel like the debate here was really about what people ACTUALLY do versus what they SHOULD do. Yes, people seem to get their self-esteem from their interactions with others. And that’s why people have so little of it. That’s why there are eating disorders, suicides, bullies and all sorts of other problems - because that isn’t where they should find their strength. They should find it from within. They may need guidance from a respectable adult figure (if they are kids) in order to realize that they are good enough, and they need to remember to stay true to themselves, and not pretend to be something they are not. They don’t need to. You have to be comfortable with yourself despite the world around you in order to have true self-esteem and confidence. I realize an unhealthy environment and trauma can greatly influence a person’s confidence and happiness, but that’s exactly why they need to work really hard to find strength from within. That way they can learn from tragedy and disappointment and become stronger and wiser, rather than collapse into grief and remain a victim of their circumstances.

This brings me to another point that I feel is pretty touchy, but I’m going for it. I’m about to tie that conversation about growing from unhealthy environments and tragedy into another conversation I had about how life is what you make of it, and if you can visualize and truly believe in yourself, you can make steps towards improving your life. I’m trying to tie this into the topic of people who have little to nothing, are starving, homeless, or otherwise stripped of the baseline from which these types of uplifting sayings are generally assuming a person is starting from. I’ll start simple and add on. Here’s what I think. No matter what life circumstances you are coming from, you can improve your situation if you have confidence, inner peace, believe in yourself and take the necessary actions. However, some environments make this a whole lot harder than others, and depending on the environment, the magnitude of how MUCH better your life can get may be different. Based on the opportunities available to you, or known to you, your ability to grow and improve your life maybe be easier or harder. BUT it is still possible. Now, I am a lucky, sheltered girl, so I fully admit I may have no idea what I am talking about. But think about it. Even people who are starving in third world countries can improve their circumstances, even if only a tiny bit. If you have the strength and resolve, you can seek out every possibility for obtaining food, or run the only small market in the area, or get involved with whatever Red Cross or other organization is nearby and doing whatever you need to do to benefit from it. Try, try, try. Their lives are so much more difficult, so it takes so much more inner strength and determination to make it. But they still can. Hopefully I don’t start off this blog with tons of hate-mail for saying that… I’m not even saying I’m right, I’m saying it’s a theory. And if it goes for them, it goes for us, too. You always have control. You start based on the opportunities available to you, but as you throw yourself into doing all that you can, more opportunities MAY open up. If you give up, and live as a victim, your demise will come much sooner. It doesn’t benefit YOU to view yourself as a victim, and blame your circumstances. You may BE a victim in a circumstance, but you don’t have to let that define you.

Well as you can see, I broke away from the topic of happiness a little bit. But not really. It all ties together. Accepting life the way it is and rising to the challenge can bring you hard-earned happiness. That’s the message I take away from all of that. We have it much, much easier than others in the world. I always used to hate it when people said, “Why are you depressed? You don’t know how good you have it!” You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for your feelings. It’s your reality and your life. Everyone is on their own path, and your own reality shouldn’t be dismissed like that. Some people can handle tough-love like that, but it always just made me feel bad and shameful on top of why I was upset in the first place. I would have rather had words of encouragement that lifted me up, instead of words that brought me down even further. So to you I say: Your experiences matter. You matter. Your problems and feelings matter. Now, what can you do about it? How can you learn from it and rise above it? Are you going to define yourself as a victim, or fight your way to a better life?